Regarding the response to Dylan Farrow's letter:

[redqueen]

42. Playing tapes... yes... that's something a lot of people live with.

It's not a choice, it's not 'wallowing in victimhood' as some callous people on this site have described it.

It is simply life.

This person had a lot of good things to say about these discussions, I think.

Some notes on Dylan Farrow, Woody Allen, and separating artists and their art

...

So what would you do then?

At the very least, I’d keep my mouth shut about it. People who are sharing their stories about being molested are already taking a huge step by saying anything about it in public—that the internets are full of assholes who get off on picking at other people’s scabs is a surprise to no one. There’s really no upside to talking about this when you’ve been a victim, other than to maybe help other people who have been victimized feel a little less alone. If you attack them, even on the level of “you need to think more deeply about this subject” (and fuck you for that condescension, by the way), then the message you send is two-fold. You tell the person you responded to that their experience doesn’t really matter, and you tell anyone else watching (because this is the internet, after all) that if they come forward, they’ll get the same treatment. You’re taking a shitty situation and piling on pain.

...

I was molested and I don’t have any problem with Allen’s/Polanski’s movies.

In all sincerity, I mean this: good for you. It’s always a good thing when you’re not reminded of being molested. Like I said above, neither of these filmmakers are triggers for me either. But, and this is important, my experience is not universal, and neither is yours. Just because you love some film doesn’t mean that it won’t trigger another person. You’d no doubt laugh at some of my triggers, which I will never mention online because, hello, internet assholes, but they can still shake me for hours if not days. These are things that would be background noise to most people, but to me, they’re linked to painful memories. So if someone says “this is a thing for me,” don’t react as though they’re ridiculous. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Woody Allen was never convicted of anything

True. But most molesters aren’t. Mine wasn’t. Mine was never even accused. I didn’t tell anyone about mine until 14 years later, even though we’d lived more than 800 miles from the molester for 11 of those years and I hadn’t seen her for more than a decade. If that’s the standard you’re going to demand before you’ll take personal action, again, that’s up to you. Just don’t expect it of everyone else.

If there’s been a common theme to these answers, it’s this: it’s not about you. If people are sharing their stories, their pain about being molested, at least give them space if you can’t give them sympathy.

http://newindesmoines.tumblr.com/post/75338765875/some-notes-on-dylan-farrow-woody-allen-and-separating