i was devastated--for years--after my mom died. i would love to tell you that your mom is with you a lot of the time, that she sees you and can hear you when you speak, that she gives you signs that she is around and if you ask her to give you a sign then she will (but it will be up to you to make the connection). but i won't tell you that (although i believe it) because i don't know what your beliefs are and i don't want to offend.
but i would like to share the first sign i got from my mom. (the first of so many)
her and i both loved the 70s movie "the great gatsby" and we both absolutely loved a song that was in the movie. the song is called "what'll i do." i bought the soundtrack and we played it a lot. sometimes we'd sing along with it. we bought that song on a piano roll for our player piano. and because we loved the song so much it became "our" song (even though it is about a romantic love). the opening line is: "what'll i do when you are far away and i am blue, what'll i do?" another line: "what'll i do with just a photograph to tell my troubles to?" i always imagined that this is how i would feel when she died (or how she would feel if i died).
she'd been gone a week or two and i hadn't turned on the radio or tv once--i was too lost and preoccupied. but one night my daughter and i were in the living room and i sat down in my mom's chair and i told my kid i was going to turn on the tv. i clicked it on and whatever channel that had been watched a week or two before was playing a rerun of the golden girls (that my mom always loved and watched) with an episode that i had never seen. and the moment i turned on the tv this was what i saw:
“Your Mother is always with you.
She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She's the smell of certain foods you remember,
flowers you pick and perfume that she wore.
She's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well.
She's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day.
She’s the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep,
the colors of a rainbow. She is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter.
She's crystallized in every teardrop.
A mother shows every emotion .......... happiness, sadness, fear,
jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy,
sorrow... and all the while, hoping and praying
you will only know the good feelings in life.
She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's
the map you follow with every step you take.
She's your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but
nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, not space...not even death!”
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