Giving, Receiving... and *stuff*

[FirstLight]

I broke the bank today.

Yep, spent $60 out of a $72 paycheck just to make sure my kids had something in their stockings and an even number of presents. So I got home and unpacked everything I had bought over the past couple weeks and laid it all out to see who has what and if it worked... and ended up taking some toys from the kids' pile and hopefully making some kind of gift that's acceptable for my sister's kids too... can't leave anyone out right? And, of course, there's a couple things for mommy, just so it doesn't look like santa stiffed me...but really, a couple of cheap facemasks and some lipstick is about it.
I wish just once that i could go to a family Christmas function NOT feeling like I was lacking something. Like I wasn't just the one doing the 'taking' and that i had something better to give than a cheap $10 thingy so my sister doesn't think I am too ungrateful... I dunno, Christmas always makes me feel poorer. (my mom is always being really generous and my sister is pretty financially set too, so I end up being the 'odd man out' at christmas..or so it feels.)


On the flip side, I realize I am so RICH when it comes to Life!
we have a good rental house, warmth, water, lights, food in the fridge and warm snuggles on a winter night. I have kids who still crawl in bed with me in the middle of the night and wake up to cuddles and giggles every morning. I have flexible work that allows me to be there for the kids when needed. I have my health, even if it feels like it ain't that great at times, I am better off than SOOOO many!

I also have Love of friends and family here and elsewhere, and HERE at ASAH. I am grateful every day for the support I have ...
So I guess out of the pieces of me that feels like 'not enough' i really DO have enough of the things that count.

My prayer is to remember that more, and hope that the world will follow suit...