How do I get through this?

[slightlv]

14. I hate to go to those lengths, but I'm holding them in my

head very seriously. Today, he thought he had a great idea to save money by changing the cats' gushy food. Even tho I'd told him many times you can't do that to cats, and the cats didn't like the cat food that he buys trying to save money. In turn, it ends up wasting money and the cats are unhappy. I had just woke up when he laid this on me, and I think I spoke a bit more forcefully than I normally would. Felt horrible about it, and apologized when he got back from getting more of their Fancy Feast. Right now, we're living on the cash I have in my wallet. This makes it a bit more "real" for him than paying for things on a debit card. My thoughts have been to take out a budgeted amount in cash for us to use each week, and putting the debit cards up and away from him. Like a credit card, which we don't use, it's way too easy to just think the money is "in there." And he feels okay when I tell him to go get the money from my wallet.

I need to have a good old-fashioned sit down with him and get some of this out of me and to him, trying to bring him into possible solutions. I'm not at all thinking of an assisted living, at least, not while my grandson is living with us. As things begin to see a light at the end of this horrible immediate tunnel, I've had two nights in a row where I didn't wake up screaming from night terrors. At some point, I think I need to see a counselor to help me with my fear and grief. But I still blame a large part of the night terrors on trump... when you wake up screaming obscenities about trump, it's hard not to blame a large part of the fear on he who dealt it. I do swear, there are many of us living with PTSD from living the last decade under trumps evil influence.