I over edited my post on the loss of my sweet Sian while in a state of shock

[Siwsan]

Sian seemed fine on Wednesday but the vet explained that sometimes cats can 'hide' their health problems until they reach a tipping point, which is what happened to Sian. I had been combing her, giving her flea medication, doing everything I can both inside and outside to take care of the flea infestation, but it still wasn't enough. I feel like the worse mom on the planet, right now. The feral kittens, well, they were outside and I grabbed them as soon as I saw there was a problem. Sian just didn't exhibit any issues until it was too late.

My brother went with me to the vet. Sian had flea related anemia. They gave her a subcutaneous rehydration treatment, anti biotics and flea medicine. It took a long time because her body temperature was low. When we got home I cuddled her for about an hour and then got her settled in to a warm, safe place and then I left her, for just a few minutes, hoping she'd fall asleep.

I wanted to change clothes and decided to check on her on my way to my room. She looked up, took 4 or 5 very deep breaths, and then she was gone. I thought maybe she was just having a stress reaction so I was trying to comfort her when she died.

She is buried very close to where I first saw her. I buried her in one of my favorite t-shirts and place a Passion Flower and Queen Anne's Lace flower on top of her.

Thank you all for your kindness and compassion.

I have to stop, now, because I just can't stop crying. This has hit me harder than I ever expected.