And the relatives who say their kids never had a single issue are full of shit.
Some years back, when we were having issues with our younger son, I asked a psychologist we were doing some family therapy with, why was it that my friends with kids the same age had no problems? He said that if there weren't problems now, there would be at some point in the future. Maybe he was wrong, but that gave me a great deal of comfort.
Here's another story that may help a bit. I'm one of six children. Growing up, we absolutely had our share of squabbles. Which apparently my mother never noticed. Fast forward a couple of decades. My younger sister and I had five children in six years. Sounds like a lot, but there were two mothers involved. Anyway, at various times our Mom would say, in strongly disapproving tones, when one of the kids was acting up, "You kids NEVER acted that way." At first it hurt, then we realized that Mom had forgotten, or was oblivious in the first place to the totally normally behaviors of her own children.
So for years after, whenever the two of us were together with our kids, and (as invariably happened) one of the five acted up, the sister who wasn't the mother of the miscreant would say, "My kids NEVER do that." And then we'd both laugh hysterically.
All kids act up. As parents we may become inured to our own child's behavior. So we might not recognize when our own kid is behaving badly. Or (and this is truly separate) we may be extremely annoyed by someone else's child who is misbehaving, even when that (mis)behavior is actually within normal bounds.
The only thing I can offer is that you keep on talking to other parents you know. If there is any chance of family therapy, seek it out, but I'm not about to suggest that you can't make it through without it.
Here's another way to think about these teen years. Until maybe 150 years ago, kids were out on their own by age 18, often earlier. Boys went to work on the farm or in the factory. Girls got married and had babies. We're hard wired to become independent in our mid to late teens, even though our brains aren't fully mature. In modern culture kids stay at home a whole lot longer. Many of them go off to college for four or more years, retaining that dependency into their early twenties.
I'm not saying you need to toss your sons out of the house right now, but give them, in so far as possible, opportunities to be independent. Maybe earn money. Do hang in there.
Oh, and I was a stay at home mom and was very glad of it. My younger son was an especial challenge, and had I been in the work force and more disconnected to him I honestly think it would have been much worse.
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