Parenting

RealGuyinChicago

(64 posts)

60. So far, though, my FIL...

Thu Jun 30, 2022, 08:05 PM

Jun 2022

… isn’t what you think of when you think of a 94-year-old.

My FIL would be mortified at the idea of having my son “taking care” of him. If he needed or wanted that, he’d either move into a nearby assisted living place he’s always talked about going to, or he’d hire a nurse. If we moved in with him, he’d want to spin it as him doing us a favor, which would be fine.

He walks with a cane, but he’s not homebound. He works out at a gym at least a few times per week. He has a doctorate and keeps his mind busy with lots of reading and being active at his church. Despite his grief, he’s carrying on better than I expected.

We’re very aware that he could decline suddenly at any time. That’s why we’re nearby. But he wouldn’t be the first person in his family to live past 100.

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69 replies

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My adult son (he's 20) moved in [View all] RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 OP

It would seem that "imposition" is part of the definition... dchill Jun 2022 #1

Your son needs to be independent. PoindexterOglethorpe Jun 2022 #2

This seems harsh to me. Just because you moved out when you were 17 doesn't mean pnwmom Jun 2022 #14

Yes, I know that I became independent at an unusually young age. PoindexterOglethorpe Jun 2022 #27

This is a young adult, only 20. The parents are free to do whatever they want pnwmom Jun 2022 #29

20 is two years out of high school. PoindexterOglethorpe Sep 2022 #67

Like I said, his parents can do anything they want. And he ALSO can, when they're in their declining pnwmom Sep 2022 #68

Try making a deal with your son dweller Jun 2022 #3

The move in with your father in law seems like a win-win. Tomconroy Jun 2022 #4

I don't want to start any family fight but - halfulglas Jun 2022 #5

It's not just the reminders. His grandfather is 94 -- of an age where he could suddenly pnwmom Jun 2022 #30

Time for tough love... Deuxcents Jun 2022 #6

My 2 cents FWIW Mz Pip Jun 2022 #7

Set a move out day for him. TexasTowelie Jun 2022 #8

There are best practices for Homesharing with a senior citizen mahina Jun 2022 #9

You are a very kind person. Joinfortmill Jun 2022 #10

Thanks for the nice words... RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #62

So sorry about that. Hope it all works out. Joinfortmill Jul 2022 #66

tell him what my dad would say Skittles Jun 2022 #11

I wonder if my mom feels this way about me? vercetti2021 Jun 2022 #12

It sounds to me like your mom simply loves you and is also glad that you help out. barbaraann Jun 2022 #25

I was yes vercetti2021 Jun 2022 #28

It's good that you weren't lonely during the worst of the pandemic, too. :) barbaraann Jun 2022 #31

Yep I do that too vercetti2021 Jun 2022 #33

The help is like icing on the top of the companionship. barbaraann Jun 2022 #34

I doubt she would ever say that about you. You sound like a wonderful housemate. halfulglas Jun 2022 #50

It sounds to me that your son is worried about being in his grandparent's apartment and pnwmom Jun 2022 #13

He could get a job and a roommate or roommates. That's what Tomconroy Jun 2022 #15

Yeah, he could. And that could be better for him than being the caretaker to a 94 yr. old pnwmom Jun 2022 #16

I said he should move in with his grandfather and he could then Tomconroy Jun 2022 #17

You're assuming that the grandfather owns the apartment and would give it to the grandson. pnwmom Jun 2022 #18

No I am not. Tomconroy Jun 2022 #19

The grandfather could die tomorrow and the apartment rent might be unaffordable. pnwmom Jun 2022 #20

Roommates. Every young person has them. Tomconroy Jun 2022 #22

Roommates, yes. Not his 94 year old grandfather, unless he wants to, and he doesn't. nt pnwmom Jun 2022 #24

Life often isn't about what we want. Suck it up buttercup. Tomconroy Jun 2022 #35

And that's a fine attitude for any parent who doesn't care pnwmom Jun 2022 #59

I have an idea! We can all get together and bring the kid to the Tomconroy Jun 2022 #64

Sure! And some day he can drive his parents to the nursing home! n/t pnwmom Jun 2022 #65

Everyone assumes my FIL... RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #63

A 20-year old adult needs to be adulting. Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #21

Living with a 94 year old grandfather isn't adulting. It's caretaking. nt pnwmom Jun 2022 #32

Yeah, like an adult. Adults caretake. I did it for my mom. Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #40

Were you 20 when you cared for a dying mom? If so, then you have my deep sympathy. pnwmom Jun 2022 #41

He refuses to live with roommates. Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #42

That's true, he can. And if his parents present him with only this choice, pnwmom Jun 2022 #43

If he continues to refuse to accept the responsibilities Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #44

He's only 20 years old, and he was on his own till recently. pnwmom Jun 2022 #45

I absolutely think he would be best off with roommates Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #46

If his parents wanted to keep the door open they would have opted for an apartment with 2 bedrooms. pnwmom Jun 2022 #47

At what age are parents allowed to no longer have to have housing Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #48

Any age, of course! It is completely up to them. pnwmom Jun 2022 #49

I'm confused as you stated his parents didn't want him Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #51

I'm confused by your confusion. My opinion is that if the parents had wanted pnwmom Jun 2022 #53

You've sidestepped answering when it's ok for parents to Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #55

It's always okay -- as long as they're good with the idea that their adult child pnwmom Jun 2022 #56

So as long as you have a child you should have a home big enough Phoenix61 Jun 2022 #57

And unless and until you decide to check into a retirement home, pnwmom Jun 2022 #58

Whoa. Hold on. RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #52

Okay that adds important context. I was responding not to you as much as to the people pnwmom Jun 2022 #54

So far, though, my FIL... RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #60

What happens to the apartment? Not sure. RealGuyinChicago Jun 2022 #61

Moving into your dining room is not acceptable especially when he has an available option. enough Jun 2022 #23

My two cents. barbaraann Jun 2022 #26

I'm disappointed there is so little thought here about the grandson's feelings pnwmom Jun 2022 #37

Good points. barbaraann Jun 2022 #39

I moved in with my mom and stepdad when I was 24 BWdem4life Jun 2022 #36

Good for you. One of our children went to college and never looked back. pnwmom Jun 2022 #38

Hey RealGuy Quakerfriend Jan 2023 #69