I haven't been drinking because I know what can happen. Get a little loose and start thinking about smoking and I'd be walking to the store to buy a couple packs and probably even more beverages!
Considering whether I could handle a few drinks and not break down and smoke got me thinking, why not go for it and do it up right? Get a fifth of vodka and some juices and a couple packs! Get drunk and smoke both Friday and Saturday, then back off the shit again! I'd be so disgusted and feel like shit anyway that it would probably work this time. I actually kind of think I could have pulled it off too but talked myself down.
The same kind of thing has got me before. Once I smoke a few, it's like I never quit. Then it's, oh well, I fucked up, may as well enjoy it again for awhile and get good and ready to quit again. That can be a few years! Just thinking about it actually brought back kind of a flashback nicotine withdrawl! It's been since the first week last November, but it felt like I had just quit for a day or two and was really jonesing for a cigarette!
After talking myself down, I drove right be my old favorite tobacco and beverage dealer on my way home. I had a great feeling the rest of the way and decided to make myself a batch of homemade chicken noodle soup. It was great! Gonna watch a movie before I go to bed.
Once I blow it, I blow it. I came close but I guess experience bailed me out. Had I got home with alcohol and cigarettes, there is no doubt I would have proceeded to smoke and get a good buzz. I kind of knew how that would go though. What seemed when thnking about it would be a wonderful feeling, would be dissapointing. Then I'd be kind of disgusted with myself but decide to make the most of it. I would have been wishing the whole rest of the weekend I hadn't done it, then regretted it for however long it took me to get back off the shit again.
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