A midlife epiphany on Mother's Day!

[Tink41]

2. Thank you

I ordered 2 books and started reading. I'll put yours on my list. I'm fluctuating between feeling relieved, happy, and sad how much potential was wasted, my hesitation for 20 yrs to pursue romantic relationships questioning what was wrong. My absolute devotion to parenting, but not quite perfecting it. And how these things that define me came off or affected others, when my intentions were always pure and genuine.
Part of me is terrified, realizing my life is just my interpretation, and i have to go back rewinding interactions, discovering people found me weird, made fun of me etc... and weren't necessarily enjoying my company.
I had a recent before discovery incident which floored me. I was fond of a coworker as in happy to see them, thought they were nice. This person proceeded to tell me one day right before they retired, that I was argumentative and yadda yadda. Oh no!!!
I was sort of amused cause I didn't understand it. Of course I went home to get a definition of the word, to me it meant an angry feeling inside, which I don't ever remember feeling around them. Sure enough that was the definition, why he thought that??? Who knows. But NOW!!!!! It is crystal clear. Rules, absolutes, parameters, rigid thinking..... I meant no harm.
Oh LORD what have I done?? What havoc have I wreaked unknowingly.....