It only works if you work it. I am not. I try, but only sometimes. Other times I decide I can't live

[GreenPartyVoter]

with the tension and climb back into my hamster wheel running from eating to trying to fix it to eating to trying to fix it, and telling myself outrageous lies to justify it all. I’m sick and tired but not enough, apparently. It’s hard to admit you are powerless if you insist your crazy schemes will somehow work out _this_ time. Or that you “got away with it,” meaning maybe you didn’t get caught, lose your job or a relationship or your health, or gain weight. Or that you can go halfway. Kinda sorta work it, but on your terms, eg I still get to eat what, how, and when I want to. And why I want to. That’s the most important W here. What gets me is that I have known this stuff for almost 35 years. Still not turning it over for keeps. Still waiting to be willing instead of wanting to be willing. Still on an express train to a very dark place, and I keep buying the tickets to stay on it.

Thanks for letting me get that out. Tomorrow is a new day, again.