My history applying for SSDI and SSI

[Astraea]

Okay, so I have Asperger's Syndrome and Bipolar I, severe enough that I cannot work anymore. I know that's already a strike against me because it's an "invisible illness".

First, I applied for SSDI and was denied at each step of the appeals process. They said that since I was helping my physically disabled mother get from her chair to the bathroom that I was capable of working a regular job. It took over two years to go through this whole process. All that time wasted, the despair, the aggravation. It didn't help my mental state one bit.

So now I'm applying for SSI because I don't qualify for SSDI anymore. My mental health has deteriorated to the extent that I can't handle the pressure of taking care of my mother anymore; it causes me too much stress. I can't be at her beck and call anymore. So the rest of my family and my boyfriend have had to step in.

They sent me first to the same psychologist that interviewed me when I first applied. To me, that seems biased and I don't think that's right, but whatever. She behaved in an unprofessional and insulting manner, criticizing my relationship with my boyfriend just because he's older than me. And she never asked about my condition anyhow.

So, denied again. Then sent to a medical doctor. Appealed. Denied. Now I am waiting 16-18 months to see a disability judge!!! What the hell?? Do they really think I would put myself through all this if I really didn't have a problem?

And for what? $750 a month maybe? I'll really be living large, won't I? I can't even work part time jobs. I get so stressed I end up crying in the bathroom, unable to work, or erupting into a rage over the smallest thing. Or becoming suicidal, hurting myself, cutting. I've even gone to the hospital because I was having homicidal thoughts towards my mom and I didn't feel safe being in the house with her.

This whole system is a joke. It's broken and they're just making it harder and harder for disabled people.

Sorry for the rant.

Does anybody else have a similar experience applying for disability?