A Question for Parents of Adults On Asking About Their Romantic Plans.

[NNadir]

My sons are home for Christmas.

I was discussing with my youngest son his options for getting out of the country if need be, noting that the European and Canadian nuclear energy programs seem to be thriving, and our country is entering a dark age under His Maggotcy King Elon.

I noted a company that I believe is doing innovative work with facilities in the UK and in France, with attention to the use of used nuclear fuels, saying that I took it upon myself to look into their career pages, in French and in English, where it said, "If you satisfy none of the complete qualifications for openings described herein, please write us anyway to tell us about your experience." That sounds like a company that's dynamic, that wants you to come to them with your ideas. It speaks well of them.

The issue then came up as to how his girlfriend, also a nuclear engineering Ph.D. student, felt about living in Europe.

I take this to mean that they're serious with one another, but I felt awkward about asking for details, specifically whether they planned to live the rest of their lives together, and only go where both agree to go. (She doesn't speak French, but is obviously very bright, and having met her, I like her a great deal.)

My father - my mother died before I had a truly serious relationship - on meeting my (future) wife, took me aside to tell me, "You should marry that girl," this on his first meeting with her, and when we'd been living together for about 2 months. This annoyed me a great deal as I recall, but, much later on, when I very much wanted to commit my life to her, it helped me to broach the subject of getting married when he came over to my house to give me my mother's engagement and wedding rings, "for safe keeping." It was almost ten years after my mother's death and it had never come up before. It was clear he was pushing the issue. (My wife now wears those rings, decades later.)

(By contrast, my wife's family was very much opposed - at least in the beginning - to her marrying me, but we got over it - eventually.)

As for me and my son, well, I feel awkward asking about his plans for his relationship. The truth is that this woman that he's dating now is actually the only woman he's dated that I really like, her sense of humor, her obvious brilliance, her openness, her directness. So I wouldn't object if he told me he was going to marry her, but then again, I don't want to be like my father in this case, pushing a case.

So, if you have adult children in relationships, well, do you say anything positive or negative about long term plans? How do you broach the subject or do you?