When parents can't care for themselves...

[Hoppy]

My mother has been in assisted living (dementia, but not Alzheimers) for six years now, at a cost of $5,980. per month. So just a couple of things I have learned.

Visit an Elder Law attorney. Do this if possible while your parents still have their faculties.

If one of your parents were a veteran during war time, BOTH parents are eligible for aid if their income meets the V.A. guidelines. Each state has veteran assistance offices. The V.F.W. or Amer. Legion office can help you find your office.

If your town or county has a social services office, they also can be of help.

[NYC_SKP]

1. That's all great advice. I had them sign medical and fiduciary powers of attorney over to me.

When I saw they were slipping but they were still lucid enough to see the wisdom in doing so.

It would have been hell had I not done that.

Both went into long term care and passed last year in February and May.

RIP mom and dad.

[Novara]

2. Good advice.

I'm new and I've been going through this with my Mom. She's in assisted living now - I could no longer take care of her Alzheimer's at home. Luckily she saw her attorney before she really started sliding downhill. The problem is that my siblings - who are far away geographically - only give a damn about her money (which isn't much). And one is doing what she can to prevent Mom from being qualified to collect a certain benefit.

Why do family members get so shitty?

I can heartily second your advice to prod your parents to make legal decisions before it's too late. I also agree to contact local aging services your area might have. Find out which agency does Meals on Wheels for elderly folks and go from there - usually there is a wealth of services people are barely aware of.

I addition, if you're taking care of your parents as their caregiver, look into any caregiver support services like a support group. You need care too. Even when they go into a facility, you still are most likely involved in being their advocate. If you're stressed out, you can't care for them to your best ability.

I look forward to talking with others going through this. It can be a lonely world when you're going through this.