Just curious about everyone's story. How many are
going it alone with the caregiving, and how many are getting help from family/friends/others?
Getting help can make such a difference.
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I am lucky -- we can afford assisted living. My gran is about 15 miles away, and I'm there 4 afternoons a week.
I absolutely could never do this full-time, or in home. To be perfectly frank, I would go to prison, the nice hospital with the padded walls, or the crematorium.
Until 6 months ago, gran was 1000 miles away. She had some distant relatives in the area, but nobody emotionally or financially or legally close. My mother & I did what we could (mom lives 800 miles further west of me) using internet banking and home monitoring and enormous long distance bills, but it wasn't enough. I made the difficult decision and packed her up and moved her here.
She still hasn't accepted that this is now home, but there is no alternative. Her former state doesn't have adequate assisted living, and there, the choice is let her be on her own 
or in a long term care nursing facility. She is not legally eligible for assisted living there, and that's what she needs. She falls every week or two, she can't manage her meds, and her memory is Swiss cheese. The only reason she's doing as well as she is is because she has round the clock monitoring, proper meals, meds management and people to help her. Which she doesn't recognize -- the denial is strong in this one. I can't take care of her -- today proved that. She fell in her bathroom and she outweighs me. I cannot help her up.
My husband is my rock -- he has been incredible, picking up the slack and being my emotional sounding board and talking me down when I'm ready to drive Gran to the Arctic circle and put her on an ice floe. (I'm convinced the dirty secret of any type of care-giving -- parenting, adult care or elder care -- is the dark thoughts that get one through the literally shitty days.)
Mom and I spend at least 10 minutes on the phone, 4 emails and 10 texts a day. (This is unusual for us; not because we dislike one another, but just because I'm not big on phones. We have often gone months without much more than an email.) She is also incredible in stepping up, but she's still 800 miles away and she's a widow with a full time career. Her time is limited, though she drops everything about every 60 days and comes up for a long weekend to give me respite.
I have two sisters; both have kids. (I don't.) they're also 1000 and 1500 miles away, so most everything falls to me, and the professionals who make this adventure possible. I am so grateful to every staff member who cheerfully handle so many fragile people.
Even at my relatively light load (8-12 physical hours, 4 of commute, 10 of logistics and supply chain management, 5 of financial management), it's a second full-time job. Thank ghu that we have the resources. For the first few months, we were handling this on credit and hope and a very fragile financial balance, and it was awful. One disaster would have wrecked us.
I know that some days it may seem just the opposite, however.
Totally get you about those dark thoughts. I had them too. I hope other family members realize what your sacrifice is, and express gratitude often. 
I've been caring for my mother -- who has Alzheimer's -- for the last six years. She lived with me and my now-ex for the first three, but after we split up, I could no longer take care of her myself. I do have four siblings, but two are unable to help and the other two are unwilling.
My mother was pretty abusive when we were growing up, so there are still a lot of bad feelings within the family. But as her dementia has progressed, she's actually become a really sweet old lady, and it's been easier for me to deal with the past. I think in some ways that's been a gift, and I wish my siblings could benefit from it. But they've chosen their own paths....
In any case, it's been hard -- both emotionally and financially. I see her 4-5 days a week, take her to all her appointments, take her for drives and meals when she's up to it. Thankfully she gets a Navy pension, which covers a fair amount of her care. Nonetheless, I've slowly drained my own savings because dementia care costs a sh**load of money. I half-joke with her that once the money runs out we'll do a Thelma and Louise. She laughs, even though I know she has no idea what I'm talking about. Then again, maybe she does. :-/
But I just came across this group, and I thank you for asking this question. It feels good to vent a little. But gotta stop now before I start crying. 
Good luck and all the best to everyone here!
I heard so many stories (at another site) about the elder being just awful--except to medical people and others outside the family circle. So that, the others thought the elder was "sweet" and "adorable." This was the situation with my own MIL, and it drove me crazy, because in private she was a holy terror. I'm glad your mom is sweet inside and outside that circle.
Lots of caregivers neglect their own needs in the flurry of responsibilities foisted on them by the recipient, so I'm really glad to hear you're getting some help along those lines. Maybe your professional can help you stand up to your mother about getting in some outside help. That may sound harsh, but elders sometimes don't seem to realize the toll their needs take on the caregiver. Or care, in some cases. You have the right to live your life and to take care of yourself. Because if you get sick, then what happens to Mom? And after she's gone, what will be left?
Hang in there! Feel free to PM me if you need a sounding board. Or post here too, of course. 
Sometimes it's just nice to blow off some verbal steam. I appreciate the space to do so. 
