Question about the idea of "looking feminine"

[Tumbulu]

In the past month two people who do not know each other have complained to me about various people "not looking very feminine".

I just am flabbergasted...is this some new popular culture meme? Is it on the TV shows (I don't have a tv and avoid tv shows except PBS Masterpiece, etc)? Movies, the social media???? If so I have sure missed this.

Can anyone clue me in about this- what is going on- why is "looking feminine" an issue suddenly and for goodness sake -WHY???? And ?!?!!!!

[mopinko]

1. ask any woman in politics

i see them in and out of uniform.

eta i was going to post an anecdote about this from a particular person, but the trolls that follow me around would prolly at least be able to guess, so....

but yeah, strategery in a lot of jobs.

[ismnotwasm]

2. I didn't think it ever went away

But shit talking at that level is unacceptable. Maybe it's reality show driven--

[redqueen]

3. There is definitely an increasing focus on patriarchal beauty norms

and policing women based on how well they comply.

There seem to be more TV shows than ever that are about nothing but teaching women how to comply. Just as we start making progress in raising awareness about how toxic the magazines were, the shit starts getting green lighted for TV.

[IronLionZion]

4. What was the context?

I suppose people can look however they want to. But when it comes to attracting a straight mate, most dating coaches advise women to look more feminine and men to look more masculine.

I've had a number of girlfriends tell me they love the fact that I look more masculine than I am, for example. I'll get thrown out of this group if I post what physical traits of women I'm attracted to.

[JI7]

5. i don't think it's a new issue, there was a thread in GD just a couple weeks or so ago

criticizing Elizabeth Warren for her appearance and saying how she should try to be more attractive, feminine etc.

[seabeyond]

7. no way. tell me it aint so. no one on du would be that stupid and shallow. surely. nt

[JI7]

8. yes , it was on here

and it was by one of those who regularly attacks feminists .

[MadrasT]

6. I am not sure if it is worse now.

I have been listening to complaints and commentary all my life about my lack of "femininity".

This puzzles me because I am not sure why anybody thinks I care about their unsolicited opinions about my gender presentation.



I remember my husband, when he was angry with me, snarking at me about how I "dress like a dyke" which I guess he thought was an insult. It didn't land that way though because... well, what's wrong with dressing like a dyke? (I.e., "masculine" attire.)

I just looked at him and blinked and was like, "And?"

Maybe I care less about what Other People Think than most... it just never really bothered me when the comments are directed at me. I write it off as "Asshole opinion, doesn't count."

(This is not saying that I don't wish it were different.)