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YoungDemCA

(5,714 posts)
Fri May 30, 2014, 06:31 PM May 2014

A Gentlemen’s Guide To Rape Culture

snip:

Men are the primary agents and sustainers of rape culture.

Rape isn’t exclusively committed by men. Women aren’t the only victims — men rape men, women rape men — but what makes rape a men’s problem, our problem, is the fact that men commit 99% of reported rapes.



You may think it’s unfair that we have to counteract and adjust ourselves for the ill behavior of other men. You know what? You’re right. It is unfair. Is that the fault of women? Or is it the fault of the men who act abysmally and make the rest of us look bad? If issues of fairness bother you, get mad at the men who make you and your actions appear questionable.



snip:
The completely reasonable and understandable fear of men is your responsibility. You didn’t create it. But you also didn’t build the freeways either. Some of the things you inherit from society are cool and some of them are rape culture.

Since no woman can accurately judge you or your intentions on sight, you are assumed to be like all other men. 73% of the time a woman knows her rapist. Now, if she can’t trust and accurately assess the intentions of men she knows, how can you expect her to ever feel that she can accurately assess you, a complete stranger? Rape prevention is not just about women teaching women how not to get raped — it’s about men not committing rape.

Rape prevention is about the fact that a man must understand that saying “no” doesn’t mean “yes,” that when a woman is too drunk/drugged to respond that doesn’t mean “yes,” that being in a relationship doesn’t mean “yes.” Rather than focus on how women can avoid rape, or how rape culture makes an innocent man feel suspect, our focus should be: how do we, as men, stop rapes from occurring, and how do we dismantle the structures that dismiss it and change the attitudes that tolerate it?


More: https://medium.com/human-parts/a-gentlemens-guide-to-rape-culture-7fc86c50dc4c
29 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
A Gentlemen’s Guide To Rape Culture (Original Post) YoungDemCA May 2014 OP
This Is An Excellent Piece The Magistrate May 2014 #1
totally in agreement, Sir. or Madam. BlancheSplanchnik May 2014 #4
Well worth taking a look at the whole thing, which is quite long. enough May 2014 #2
the only people who benefit, I guess would be marketers. But BlancheSplanchnik May 2014 #5
Excellent analysis! freshwest May 2014 #7
thanks fresh BlancheSplanchnik May 2014 #9
putting our gender before our humanity. seabeyond May 2014 #11
Excellent post. K&R Louisiana1976 May 2014 #3
Perfect onecaliberal May 2014 #6
Wow ismnotwasm May 2014 #8
I finally had a chance to read the article in full. **BRAVO** to that guy!!!!!! BlancheSplanchnik May 2014 #10
you didn't say 'some' men noiretextatique May 2014 #12
lol redqueen May 2014 #13
Well said. redqueen May 2014 #14
YoungDem have you thought of posting this in GD? intaglio Jun 2014 #15
There was an incident in my community 3 weeks ago, after a high school prom japple Jun 2014 #16
This is excellent ismnotwasm Jun 2014 #17
right! The woman who was assaulted was more than likely given a date rape drug, japple Jun 2014 #18
Please keep watch on this case. It is as significant as Steubenville. japple Jun 2014 #19
Will do ismnotwasm Jun 2014 #22
Many thanks for this jezebel link. I didn't mean "Steubenville" in terms of the japple Jun 2014 #23
I didn't mean to imply that this was the same as Steubenville japple Jun 2014 #24
rape. todays entertainment. nt seabeyond Jun 2014 #25
Sorry, I don't understand. japple Jun 2014 #26
today, rape is no more than entertainment. nt seabeyond Jun 2014 #27
Sorry, but I don't agree with that. I think folks are starting japple Jun 2014 #28
No you're good ismnotwasm Jun 2014 #29
All rooted in the idea that one person is entitled to use, or take advantage of, another, regardless nomorenomore08 Jun 2014 #21
And of course the MRA types will still somehow spin it to be women's fault - *anything* to avoid nomorenomore08 Jun 2014 #20

The Magistrate

(96,043 posts)
1. This Is An Excellent Piece
Fri May 30, 2014, 06:50 PM
May 2014

It deserves to be widely read. It is pitch-perfect in tone, and in quality of observation.

enough

(13,449 posts)
2. Well worth taking a look at the whole thing, which is quite long.
Fri May 30, 2014, 07:38 PM
May 2014

I'll quote just once sentence:

"Don’t limit yourself to being a man. Be a mensch. Be a human being."


As a 70 year old woman, I think more and more often we are really all giving ourselves a lot of suffering by putting our gender before our humanity. The culture seems to be making it more and more difficult to live within that shared humanity. The culture seems to promote all out war.

When I was young I thought the then-current concept of "the war between the sexes" was some sort of archaic and idiotic notion that would die out with my grandparents' generation. Looking back now, it seems in much of our society the situation is even worse, more violent, more explicit, and more dangerous than it was back then. Who benefits from promoting this state of affairs?

Surely the best, the most interesting, the sexiest, part of life happens when we operate as humans interacting in our shared human reality. Rape culture is an extreme manifestation of denial of that shared reality. Again, who is benefiting from this?

BlancheSplanchnik

(20,219 posts)
5. the only people who benefit, I guess would be marketers. But
Fri May 30, 2014, 09:01 PM
May 2014

Last edited Sat May 31, 2014, 08:38 AM - Edit history (1)

More than that, I think it's also got a lot to do with decay of respect. The easy route--going with base impulses.

Personally, I think that there is a connection to human overpopulation; more people than can get their needs met. Needs include the intellectual, emotional and physical.

Society becomes further debauched as more people compete among each other for gratifications which are harder to get. Superficial, immediate satisfactions, anger, greed, power struggles become the focus for larger numbers of people. .... Animalistic behavior.....when that becomes the norm, it takes focused effort by individuals determined to step out of the status quo.

...how it seems to me, anyway.


*ermagerd!* Grammatical errors! ....edited to fix. And add: the factors above are indicative of weakening character. Instant gratifications everywhere are just one of the factors that make it difficult to continually put in the effort to strengthen one's own character. Inertia--that's a law of physics. It requires Work to put an object at rest in motion. Without Work, things decay*

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
11. putting our gender before our humanity.
Sat May 31, 2014, 09:49 AM
May 2014

this is such a good post. i like you put it out, as you did. i think you are right.

who benefits most...? those still needing/wanting/desiring the patriarchy. that is what you post brings to me. and those that need the patriarchy is not one sex.

i kinda see the same in those that hold tight onto christianity. it is the christianity from the bible. the need the rules, the guidelines, the outside authority guiding them. then from the new testament, christ within, you have those that do not need outside authority so much cause they have confidence in self identifying guideline.

interesting

BlancheSplanchnik

(20,219 posts)
10. I finally had a chance to read the article in full. **BRAVO** to that guy!!!!!!
Sat May 31, 2014, 08:56 AM
May 2014

Dear men who are interested in feminism--whether as allies or as hecklers--

This is one of the best I've seen. If you are open to using your mind like a parachute (functions best when open), if you want to or are at least willing to practice introspection, this is one of the best I've seen.


redqueen

(115,164 posts)
14. Well said.
Sat May 31, 2014, 05:27 PM
May 2014

Nothing I haven't seen before, and sadly (as usual) it's more well received by males when other males say it.


Oh, and this:

According to Marshall University’s Women’s Center website:

Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.


Three things that are desperately defended, right here on DU.

intaglio

(8,170 posts)
15. YoungDem have you thought of posting this in GD?
Sun Jun 1, 2014, 12:19 PM
Jun 2014

TBH it needs to be out there, despite the firestorm it will likely cause.

japple

(10,304 posts)
16. There was an incident in my community 3 weeks ago, after a high school prom
Wed Jun 4, 2014, 05:20 PM
Jun 2014

where a young woman was sexually battered by 3 of her male classmates. There was obviously a whole lot more going on here than will become public until a trial is held. There are wild rumors, lots of small-town gossip and evidence of why everyone needs to examine how these issues are presented to the public. This opinion piece in the Chattanooga Times Free Press is, IMHO, an excellent response.

http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2014/jun/01/this-isnt-about-beer/

ismnotwasm

(42,443 posts)
17. This is excellent
Wed Jun 4, 2014, 05:38 PM
Jun 2014
So when we liquify sexual assault, we feed into the dangerous and favorite narrative of misogynists everywhere: that drunken women are consenting, no-really-means-yes women, or that drunken women who cry rape are really just dealing with morning-after regret.

"One reason this ... is so infuriating is that rapists tend to target drunk women specifically because they know that people who are too drunk to remember what's going on make really bad witnesses in court," writes Slate's Amanda Marcotte. "We don't have an epidemic of women exploiting men's drunkenness to get them thrown in in jail, but we do have an epidemic of rapists exploiting women's drunkenness to get away with their crimes."

Know what causes rape?

Rape mentality causes rape.

japple

(10,304 posts)
18. right! The woman who was assaulted was more than likely given a date rape drug,
Wed Jun 4, 2014, 06:21 PM
Jun 2014

but might not have had it in her system because of time constraints. She was taken to the ER too late, and the 1st ER she was taken to didn't have a rape kit and it was not the same county where the incident took place, so she was transferred to a facility in the county where it occurred. All of these lapses add up, and will probably count against the victim in court.

ismnotwasm

(42,443 posts)
22. Will do
Thu Jun 5, 2014, 08:55 AM
Jun 2014


Actually here's an article from Jezebel
Star athletes from a powerhouse high school athletic program. A sexual assault that occurred in the middle of a party full of witnesses who knew exactly what was going on but did nothing. Underage drinking. Online rumors. While the sexual assault of an 18-year-old Georgia high school senior by three of her classmates had many of the elements of a Steubenville-esque embarrassment, this time around, things are different. Local authorities have filed serious charges against the three men who participated in the assault, and have promised that more serious charges are forthcoming.

The alleged assault occurred more than two weeks ago, on Calhoun High School's prom night, when a small post-prom gathering at a cabin in the woods became a raucous event involving 27 students and hours of drinking, according to local authorities. After alcohol had been consumed for several hours, four male party attendees "ended up" in a room with an 18-year-old classmate ("ended up" is the phrasing used by a local news account that flirts with CNN's now-infamous "THESE BOYS' LIVES ARE RUINED NOW!" hand wringing). The victim told authorities that she didn't remember who raped her, just that it was "multiple guys" who inserted a "foreign object" into her vagina, causing tearing and severe trauma that the local sheriff called "substantial" during a press conference last week. Other attendees of the party knew what was happening but did nothing. According to some accounts, the fourth boy in the room was there to barricade the door closed.

Almost immediately after the May 11th incident, rumors began swirling online, specifically on Facebook. Why weren't authorities doing anything to prosecute the attackers? Was the school district protecting them, since they were all top athletes mere weeks from graduation? As rumors picked up steam, some Calhoun students and community members began posting under a #standforHER hashtag in support of the victim.

But authorities were investigating. During the ensuing days after the party, they interviewed more than 50 witnesses, and based on the information they gathered, last week, they announced they'd gathered enough evidence to arrest football quarterback Fields Chapman, wide receiver Andrew Haynes, and star baseball player Avery Johnson, who had committed to playing college ball at Georgia Highlands College next year, on sexual battery charges. All three 18-year-old seniors turned themselves in the next day and were barred from participating in their high school's graduation exercises that Friday. The Gilmer County Sheriff promises that all of the students who were drinking at the party will be charged, and that rape charges may be forthcoming against Chapman, Haynes, and Johnson. Only months before, both Haynes and Chapman had faced underage drinking charges. No word on what the fourth student in the room — the one who watched the brutal assault occur without doing anything — will be charged with anything.


http://jezebel.com/3-star-athletes-allegedly-orchestrated-horrifying-post-1585334287

japple

(10,304 posts)
23. Many thanks for this jezebel link. I didn't mean "Steubenville" in terms of the
Thu Jun 5, 2014, 05:04 PM
Jun 2014

public officials not investigating the crime, etc. I think the Gilmer County Sheriff's Department has done an exceptional job of investigating and handling public relations in this very volatile case. I meant it to be another link to yet another crime against a woman who was in no position to give consent, and who had no one at that party to give assistance to her, even though all of the people knew what was going on. This is what concerns me.

japple

(10,304 posts)
24. I didn't mean to imply that this was the same as Steubenville
Thu Jun 5, 2014, 05:48 PM
Jun 2014

as far as police negligence goes. The local law enforcement, esp. the Gilmer County Sheriff's Dept. has been way above board as far as the investigation has been handled.

The thing that is puzzling to everyone in this community is, if all of the people at the party knew this was going on, why didn't someone step in. Why didn't someone stop it. Why didn't someone give aid/comfort to this young woman.

My guess is that they will all plead "I was too drunk" and get away with a $1,000 fine for under-age drinking, and most families will breathe a sigh of relief that their kids didn't get caught up in this "scandal."

japple

(10,304 posts)
28. Sorry, but I don't agree with that. I think folks are starting
Thu Jun 5, 2014, 07:37 PM
Jun 2014

to take it seriously, at least in my community.

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
21. All rooted in the idea that one person is entitled to use, or take advantage of, another, regardless
Thu Jun 5, 2014, 08:52 AM
Jun 2014

of the other person's wishes. A stark lack of empathy - especially for those "lowly" women - is clearly at fault here.

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
20. And of course the MRA types will still somehow spin it to be women's fault - *anything* to avoid
Thu Jun 5, 2014, 08:49 AM
Jun 2014

criticizing other men, let alone taking a critical look at themselves.

If men are "oppressed" in any sense it's by fellow men, not women.

"...how do we dismantle the structures that dismiss it and change the attitudes that tolerate it?"

A difficult and complex question to be sure. Though "not being an asshole" - and expressing disapproval of those who are - certainly doesn't hurt, at the least.

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