History of Feminism
Related: About this forumA Gentlemen’s Guide To Rape Culture
snip:
Men are the primary agents and sustainers of rape culture.
Rape isnt exclusively committed by men. Women arent the only victims men rape men, women rape men but what makes rape a mens problem, our problem, is the fact that men commit 99% of reported rapes.
You may think its unfair that we have to counteract and adjust ourselves for the ill behavior of other men. You know what? Youre right. It is unfair. Is that the fault of women? Or is it the fault of the men who act abysmally and make the rest of us look bad? If issues of fairness bother you, get mad at the men who make you and your actions appear questionable.
snip:
The completely reasonable and understandable fear of men is your responsibility. You didnt create it. But you also didnt build the freeways either. Some of the things you inherit from society are cool and some of them are rape culture.
Since no woman can accurately judge you or your intentions on sight, you are assumed to be like all other men. 73% of the time a woman knows her rapist. Now, if she cant trust and accurately assess the intentions of men she knows, how can you expect her to ever feel that she can accurately assess you, a complete stranger? Rape prevention is not just about women teaching women how not to get raped its about men not committing rape.
Rape prevention is about the fact that a man must understand that saying no doesnt mean yes, that when a woman is too drunk/drugged to respond that doesnt mean yes, that being in a relationship doesnt mean yes. Rather than focus on how women can avoid rape, or how rape culture makes an innocent man feel suspect, our focus should be: how do we, as men, stop rapes from occurring, and how do we dismantle the structures that dismiss it and change the attitudes that tolerate it?
More: https://medium.com/human-parts/a-gentlemens-guide-to-rape-culture-7fc86c50dc4c
The Magistrate
(96,043 posts)It deserves to be widely read. It is pitch-perfect in tone, and in quality of observation.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Pitch perfect...as are your posts.
I am always glad to see you.
enough
(13,449 posts)I'll quote just once sentence:
"Dont limit yourself to being a man. Be a mensch. Be a human being."
As a 70 year old woman, I think more and more often we are really all giving ourselves a lot of suffering by putting our gender before our humanity. The culture seems to be making it more and more difficult to live within that shared humanity. The culture seems to promote all out war.
When I was young I thought the then-current concept of "the war between the sexes" was some sort of archaic and idiotic notion that would die out with my grandparents' generation. Looking back now, it seems in much of our society the situation is even worse, more violent, more explicit, and more dangerous than it was back then. Who benefits from promoting this state of affairs?
Surely the best, the most interesting, the sexiest, part of life happens when we operate as humans interacting in our shared human reality. Rape culture is an extreme manifestation of denial of that shared reality. Again, who is benefiting from this?
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Last edited Sat May 31, 2014, 08:38 AM - Edit history (1)
More than that, I think it's also got a lot to do with decay of respect. The easy route--going with base impulses.
Personally, I think that there is a connection to human overpopulation; more people than can get their needs met. Needs include the intellectual, emotional and physical.
Society becomes further debauched as more people compete among each other for gratifications which are harder to get. Superficial, immediate satisfactions, anger, greed, power struggles become the focus for larger numbers of people. .... Animalistic behavior.....when that becomes the norm, it takes focused effort by individuals determined to step out of the status quo.
...how it seems to me, anyway.
*ermagerd!* Grammatical errors! ....edited to fix. And add: the factors above are indicative of weakening character. Instant gratifications everywhere are just one of the factors that make it difficult to continually put in the effort to strengthen one's own character. Inertia--that's a law of physics. It requires Work to put an object at rest in motion. Without Work, things decay*
freshwest
(53,661 posts)BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)coming from you, that's meaningful.
seabeyond
(110,159 posts)this is such a good post. i like you put it out, as you did. i think you are right.
who benefits most...? those still needing/wanting/desiring the patriarchy. that is what you post brings to me. and those that need the patriarchy is not one sex.
i kinda see the same in those that hold tight onto christianity. it is the christianity from the bible. the need the rules, the guidelines, the outside authority guiding them. then from the new testament, christ within, you have those that do not need outside authority so much cause they have confidence in self identifying guideline.
interesting
Louisiana1976
(3,962 posts)onecaliberal
(35,696 posts)In tone. My wish is it will be widely read and taken to heart.
ismnotwasm
(42,443 posts)Perfectly stated. I just spread this a bit more on FB and twitter
Thank you
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Dear men who are interested in feminism--whether as allies or as hecklers--
This is one of the best I've seen. If you are open to using your mind like a parachute (functions best when open), if you want to or are at least willing to practice introspection, this is one of the best I've seen.
noiretextatique
(27,275 posts)redqueen
(115,164 posts)redqueen
(115,164 posts)Nothing I haven't seen before, and sadly (as usual) it's more well received by males when other males say it.
Oh, and this:
Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of womens bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards womens rights and safety.
Three things that are desperately defended, right here on DU.
intaglio
(8,170 posts)TBH it needs to be out there, despite the firestorm it will likely cause.
japple
(10,304 posts)where a young woman was sexually battered by 3 of her male classmates. There was obviously a whole lot more going on here than will become public until a trial is held. There are wild rumors, lots of small-town gossip and evidence of why everyone needs to examine how these issues are presented to the public. This opinion piece in the Chattanooga Times Free Press is, IMHO, an excellent response.
http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2014/jun/01/this-isnt-about-beer/
ismnotwasm
(42,443 posts)"One reason this ... is so infuriating is that rapists tend to target drunk women specifically because they know that people who are too drunk to remember what's going on make really bad witnesses in court," writes Slate's Amanda Marcotte. "We don't have an epidemic of women exploiting men's drunkenness to get them thrown in in jail, but we do have an epidemic of rapists exploiting women's drunkenness to get away with their crimes."
Know what causes rape?
Rape mentality causes rape.
japple
(10,304 posts)but might not have had it in her system because of time constraints. She was taken to the ER too late, and the 1st ER she was taken to didn't have a rape kit and it was not the same county where the incident took place, so she was transferred to a facility in the county where it occurred. All of these lapses add up, and will probably count against the victim in court.
japple
(10,304 posts)ismnotwasm
(42,443 posts)Actually here's an article from Jezebel
The alleged assault occurred more than two weeks ago, on Calhoun High School's prom night, when a small post-prom gathering at a cabin in the woods became a raucous event involving 27 students and hours of drinking, according to local authorities. After alcohol had been consumed for several hours, four male party attendees "ended up" in a room with an 18-year-old classmate ("ended up" is the phrasing used by a local news account that flirts with CNN's now-infamous "THESE BOYS' LIVES ARE RUINED NOW!" hand wringing). The victim told authorities that she didn't remember who raped her, just that it was "multiple guys" who inserted a "foreign object" into her vagina, causing tearing and severe trauma that the local sheriff called "substantial" during a press conference last week. Other attendees of the party knew what was happening but did nothing. According to some accounts, the fourth boy in the room was there to barricade the door closed.
Almost immediately after the May 11th incident, rumors began swirling online, specifically on Facebook. Why weren't authorities doing anything to prosecute the attackers? Was the school district protecting them, since they were all top athletes mere weeks from graduation? As rumors picked up steam, some Calhoun students and community members began posting under a #standforHER hashtag in support of the victim.
But authorities were investigating. During the ensuing days after the party, they interviewed more than 50 witnesses, and based on the information they gathered, last week, they announced they'd gathered enough evidence to arrest football quarterback Fields Chapman, wide receiver Andrew Haynes, and star baseball player Avery Johnson, who had committed to playing college ball at Georgia Highlands College next year, on sexual battery charges. All three 18-year-old seniors turned themselves in the next day and were barred from participating in their high school's graduation exercises that Friday. The Gilmer County Sheriff promises that all of the students who were drinking at the party will be charged, and that rape charges may be forthcoming against Chapman, Haynes, and Johnson. Only months before, both Haynes and Chapman had faced underage drinking charges. No word on what the fourth student in the room the one who watched the brutal assault occur without doing anything will be charged with anything.
http://jezebel.com/3-star-athletes-allegedly-orchestrated-horrifying-post-1585334287
japple
(10,304 posts)public officials not investigating the crime, etc. I think the Gilmer County Sheriff's Department has done an exceptional job of investigating and handling public relations in this very volatile case. I meant it to be another link to yet another crime against a woman who was in no position to give consent, and who had no one at that party to give assistance to her, even though all of the people knew what was going on. This is what concerns me.
japple
(10,304 posts)as far as police negligence goes. The local law enforcement, esp. the Gilmer County Sheriff's Dept. has been way above board as far as the investigation has been handled.
The thing that is puzzling to everyone in this community is, if all of the people at the party knew this was going on, why didn't someone step in. Why didn't someone stop it. Why didn't someone give aid/comfort to this young woman.
My guess is that they will all plead "I was too drunk" and get away with a $1,000 fine for under-age drinking, and most families will breathe a sigh of relief that their kids didn't get caught up in this "scandal."
seabeyond
(110,159 posts)japple
(10,304 posts)seabeyond
(110,159 posts)japple
(10,304 posts)to take it seriously, at least in my community.
ismnotwasm
(42,443 posts)No worries!
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)of the other person's wishes. A stark lack of empathy - especially for those "lowly" women - is clearly at fault here.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)criticizing other men, let alone taking a critical look at themselves.
If men are "oppressed" in any sense it's by fellow men, not women.
"...how do we dismantle the structures that dismiss it and change the attitudes that tolerate it?"
A difficult and complex question to be sure. Though "not being an asshole" - and expressing disapproval of those who are - certainly doesn't hurt, at the least.