On the Cult of Masculinity, and why it's important to challenge it

[YoungDemCA]

Here's a post of mine, almost verbatim, from Facebook. I was responding to someone regarding the question of why there are higher suicide rates in men than women (indirectly, though-someone else had speculated about the pressures of "masculinity" in many societies).

IMHO: Men face a lot of social pressures to act "tough", to be independent, and to not be emotionally empathetic, but it's different from the pressures women face because unlike with women, the pressures that men face come largely from other men-and/or from their own expectations. The Cult of Masculinity does not just have negative consequences for women, it also acts as a way of boxing in men to certain roles and expectations in society. Not complaining though, because I do realize and agree that there are a lot of things about being a man that make life easier overall.

I know that there's a connection between male expectations-of themselves and each other-and the oppression of women. I think many of us realize this too, but I would like to see more people-especially more men-make the connection.

Feel free to discuss as much or as little as you wish, of course!

[Sarah Ibarruri]

1. Women make more suicide attempts than men. Men, however, employ more violent methods than

women do. Both men and women have huge stressors in the U.S. and tremendous pressure to survive. Fact is, the U.S. is one of the most stressful countries on this planet in which to make a life.

To reiterate, women attempt suicide far more than men attempt it.

Women tend to use pills. Men don't tend to use pills generally. (Not sure why not). They select slightly more violent methods (guns or such, to be specific).

[ismnotwasm]

2. I agree; while I don't mind discussing it to the point of parsing out solutions

Women aren't going to 'fix it' we are going challenge it.
It will be up to men to get out of the man box. Which is an ugly place-- here is one graphic

[KitSileya]

3. It is important to challenge it, and so infuriating when so many men do not want to

It is clear from DU that a number of men do not want to look at what is actually masculine, and what is part of cultural masculinity. There are biological differences between men and women - male and female sex characteristics, as it were. Most female's breasts are larger - but how we see them is cultural, to use an example from Melissa McEwan. In some cultures, breasts are not considered sexually arousing at all, and women don't cover them up anymore than men do their own chests. But when it comes to what we as a culture think of as masculine and feminine - well, the women have challenged and looked at and are discussing what is feminine, it is how we got the right to vote, how we got any and all of the gains to equality we have achieved in the last 125 years, but many men refuse to do the same. And they refuse to acknowledge that the refusal to even look at what is masculine and what is part of patriarchal power structure is harming men, it is harming women, it is harming society.

Men grow up in a society designed for them. There have been challenges and mods to the design, but still, for the most part, society is designed for men. They are the default, even more so in the case of white men. They think their privileges is inherent to masculinity because, like a person who only speaks one language cannot grasp a meta perspective of language, they do not know anything but their own experience. Women and other gender minorities have had to learn the language of masculinity as well as their own by necessity - for survival. They can see that what many men think is masculine isn't - it is just cultural. Many men are like a person in a sensory deprivation tank, or a fish in water - they cannot even grasp that their environment can change, or rather, that their masculinity isn't natural, but a construct. When the fish is thrown on land, it flails around because it does not know what to do, and because it is not equipped to do what is necessary because it hasn't had to develop any such skills in its protected previous existence.

Well, we are challenging men to get a masculine culture where men knows how to use their opposable thumbs to deal with being both in water and on land, to see that there are more than one power structure possible, and that contrary to what some men are saying, men can change what it means to be a man so that they get a better life, so that people of other genders get a better life, solving a lot of societal ills, and maybe even deal with the suicide statistics. But what do I know? The die-hards will probably rebut with because apes.

[CrispyQ]

4. This was particularly spot on:

But when it comes to what we as a culture think of as masculine and feminine - well, the women have challenged and looked at and are discussing what is feminine, it is how we got the right to vote, how we got any and all of the gains to equality we have achieved in the last 125 years, but many men refuse to do the same. And they refuse to acknowledge that the refusal to even look at what is masculine and what is part of patriarchal power structure is harming men, it is harming women, it is harming society.

And this made me LOL:

we are challenging men to get a masculine culture where men knows how to use their opposable thumbs

That sentence goes exactly to the old boys-will-be-boys arguments that so many of them use to justify their lack of self control when a provocative looking woman is around or on a magazine cover. No, it's not boys-will-be-boys, it's a culture that says it's OK for men to behave like 11 year old's in regards to women.

[RBStevens]

5. Excellent post Kit, thanks.

And I'm really sorry you are having stress triggers from engaging in the challenges we are undergoing here. I'd hate to lose your insightful voice. You are sorely needed but at the same time you've got to take care of yourself first.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. such an excellent post, Kit. Deserving of it's own OP. Well said. Thanks. n/t

[RBStevens]

6. K&R

[Squinch]

8. YAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

I so completely agree! If men would change the messages that they give to each other, everything would change.

The most common disagreement I get when I say this is, "Men act this way because they think that's what women want."

It's not what thinking women want. Any more than thinking men want the old ideal of an obedient, passive, completely dependent and slightly dim-witted woman.

[WhiteTara]

9. This is why the patriarchal structure is so

damaging to both women and men.

[nomorenomore08]

10. Which is why the angry, hostile MRA types bashing feminism make me so, so sad.

They don't just harm women via their reactionary attitudes, they harm themselves as well.

If people - men especially - would stop trying to force themselves and each other into these little boxes that hardly anyone really fits anyway, not only would we be psychologically healthier as a whole, we'd also treat each other a hell of a lot better.

[seabeyond]

11. yup. fear. allows one to be vulnerable. step into the fear, it is not there anymore.

and without fear there is no vulnerable. how sad, that out fo fear these men protect their vulnerabilities to such an extent it is the very creation of vulnerable. lol. in the circle of things, it is ironic.