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Feministing Chat: Individualism, violence, and victim blaming
At this point, the cycle is familiar. A commentator writes an article telling women how they can avoid rape through individualistic, ineffective methods. Dress conservatively! Shout loudly! Stay sober! The piece never addresses how we, as a community, can resist violence, and it shifts the focus from perpetrators’ wrongdoings to the “mistakes” of survivors. In response, the feminist internet rises up to condemn the victim-blaming. The fury dies down and, a few weeks later, another, similar article emerges again.
In these reactive conversations, we rarely get the chance to dig deeper and proactively consider the roots and harms of victim blaming. We sat down (at our individual computers, thousands of miles from each other ) to take a stab at that conversation.
How has victim blaming affected you personally?
Lori: Like many of my friends, I’ve found myself on more than one occasion policing my own style based on fear of being perceived as a “slut” and thus being exposed to social judgment and in some cases actual physical danger. This phenomenon plays out in a way that is inevitably gendered, and isn’t limited to preemptive self-policing, either. If I’m ever catcalled or street harassed, especially if I’m wearing something that might be more revealing than pants and a t-shirt, I find there’s still a small voice inside me that says “I deserve this, and whatever might follow” even if I liked my outfit and felt it was appropriate for whatever activity I was up to. I know so many people who have stories like these, and this is even mild compared to people who have actually been blamed for their own assault or rape. I think we talk a lot about how victim blaming affects victims or survivors of assault, but less so about the chilling effect it has on everyone else in society, every single day of their lives.
Veronica: Lori, I am right there with you on the questioning of my clothing — i.e. what I’ve done to “deserve” harassment — even though I know this is absurd. I vacillate between sometimes wanting to wear revealing clothes and censoring myself to avoid harassment, which makes me feel like shit, and saying “fuck that noise” and dressing as slutty (said here with 100% positive connotations) as I want and more often than not getting harassed, which makes me feel like shit. Lose-lose.
In these reactive conversations, we rarely get the chance to dig deeper and proactively consider the roots and harms of victim blaming. We sat down (at our individual computers, thousands of miles from each other ) to take a stab at that conversation.
How has victim blaming affected you personally?
Lori: Like many of my friends, I’ve found myself on more than one occasion policing my own style based on fear of being perceived as a “slut” and thus being exposed to social judgment and in some cases actual physical danger. This phenomenon plays out in a way that is inevitably gendered, and isn’t limited to preemptive self-policing, either. If I’m ever catcalled or street harassed, especially if I’m wearing something that might be more revealing than pants and a t-shirt, I find there’s still a small voice inside me that says “I deserve this, and whatever might follow” even if I liked my outfit and felt it was appropriate for whatever activity I was up to. I know so many people who have stories like these, and this is even mild compared to people who have actually been blamed for their own assault or rape. I think we talk a lot about how victim blaming affects victims or survivors of assault, but less so about the chilling effect it has on everyone else in society, every single day of their lives.
Veronica: Lori, I am right there with you on the questioning of my clothing — i.e. what I’ve done to “deserve” harassment — even though I know this is absurd. I vacillate between sometimes wanting to wear revealing clothes and censoring myself to avoid harassment, which makes me feel like shit, and saying “fuck that noise” and dressing as slutty (said here with 100% positive connotations) as I want and more often than not getting harassed, which makes me feel like shit. Lose-lose.
http://feministing.com/2013/12/20/feministing-chat-individualism-violence-and-victim-blaming/