As if this day was not bad enough,

[murielm99]

my mother died today. She was not a nice person, but I will skip all of that for now.

She was in a nursing home. She had a guardian, who is now my personal representative because I cannot be present for many of the arrangements, which will be out of state for me. My mother died while we were in the process of selling her property to pay for her expenses. We are trying to keep things tasteful and respectful.

I know that many of you will tell me that you are sorry for my loss. That may be true later. For now, I don't know what I am.

[sinkingfeeling]

1. It is hard to lose your mother no matter how strained your relationship was.

[Srkdqltr]

2. From what you say, all you need to do is what's next. Not the time to do more.

I wish you peace and whatever you need for your life.

[SheltieLover]

3. ...

[sheshe2]

4. I will just send you a hug for now, murielm.❤️

Take good care of yourself.

[ZDU]

5. Forgive and Love Yourself

[alwaysinasnit]

6. ...

[LoisB]

7. One day, one step

[irisblue]

8. Dear murielm99, just breathe today.

[Cirsium]

9. There is no right or wrong reaction

I was never close to my mother and I was remarkably unmoved by her death.

[BonnieJW]

20. That was me

She was adequate but never loving or supportive. Very confusing when she died.

[Katinfl]

10. Just do what you can, when you can.

It will all work out, it always does.

[niyad]

11. Holding you in love and light. How you feel is how you feel, whatever that is.

Just remember your DU family is here for you. Lean as hard as you need.

[gademocrat7]

12. Sending you hugs of support, murielm

Take care.

[Bluethroughu]

13. It is...

That kind of day.

I'm sorry you are going through all this now.

[William769]

14. From me to you

[IbogaProject]

15. I'm sorry for you

I wish you peace and for you to take solace it is over.

[Chicagogrl1]

16. It's called complicated grief

Sorry you are going through this. Give yourself time and grace. You will get through it.

[Hope22]

17. Believe me or not I understand.

You’ve had your own set of fires to deal with and you did your best! No buts about it. It sounds like your representative will help you get through this next phase. I’m glad you have help. Lean in and above all be easy with yourself. One step at a time! Peace and love to you. 💗💗🙏🏼💐

[Sparkly]

18. Take your time, murielm.

Take care of yourself, and honor your own feelings. These things are always difficult. I hope you have good support around you (I notice you said "we" ). Thinking of you.

[yardwork]

19. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this now.

[blm]

21. Understood. 🫶🏽

[3Hotdogs]

22. Not many of us get the parents we wanted or felt we were entitled to. I was lucky.

I didn't appreciate it as much then as I do now. But a decade gone, looking back, I was lucky.

So where does that bring us?

It goes to a story on "This American Life," from maybe 20 years ago. Probably still available on their podcast. It is about two adult siblings, talking about their mother and their childhood. I won't call her evil but she was clearly fucked up. And the episode goes on to describe events from when the kids were in effect, "on their own." from the time they were pre-teens.
At the end, their summation: "She did the best she could."

--now back to me and my parents. As I said, I was lucky. Then came my mom's fucked up behavior which started when her mom (my grandmother) died. As years went on, she became more and more difficult to be with. Then about 10 years before she died, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. From that point, things that didn't make sense, began to make sense.

She did the best she could.

[XanaDUer2]

23. Feel what you feel

What a day indeed. Thinking of you and holding you in Light, muriel.

We will get through this together

[Delmette2.0]

24. There might be some small memories that you will treasure

I think my Mom was so very tired of being a parent. When I was finally the last one at home her attention and enthusiasm was totally depleted.
I felt ignored and unwanted.
What I treasure is her old cookbook. The cookie section is well used The sections for pies, breads then jam and jellies are wonderful. That is her
legacy for me, her daily cooking, baking, and canning.

I hope you find something simple that brings you peace

[Unwind Your Mind]

30. Yes to this

My mother was mostly awful but I do enjoy some of her recipes

I think I’ll make goulash this week 😉

[brer cat]

25. Take care of yourself, murielm.

Don't feel guilt about things you couldn't control.

[bucolic_frolic]

26. End of life is such a confusing time that distorts thinking

Condolences, be with your grief as well as relief, the struggle is changing, settling matters is your new sideline! Take time for yourself, a couple hours, 2 to 3 times a day.

[Diamond_Dog]

27. I will pray for strength for you to get through this tough time, muriel99.

[Clouds Passing]

28. I'm sorry you have to deal with this murielm99.

I had a not nice mother. It’s hard to grieve the death of the mother when you’ve been grieving the absence of a decent mother your entire life.

For you my dear confort and healing 💚

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

31. I understand what you mean Then again, strained

or estranged relationships cam make dealing with the death of that person very complicated and maybe even harder to process grief.

[Unwind Your Mind]

29. I understand

My mother situation may be similar to yours

I dealt with her loss in therapy years ago

She died last summer, after being out of her mind with Parkinson’s for more than two years

I felt sad for a short time, then I went to dinner with my sister and we both felt better

I hope you find some comfort as soon as you can