If I were your shadow (first draft)

[backtoblue]

If I were your shadow
I would follow you anywhere-
Everywhere
You move, I obey your command
You dance, I follow your lead
You smile,
I melt into the shape of your lips

If you become a sailor
On the Pacific Rim
In a wooden canoe
Your boat, I take an oar
You rudder, I steady your grip
You swim,
I mold into the curves of your body

If you brave the hot desert sand
Of the Saharan dunes
In Jesus shoes
You step, I leave a footprint
You sweat, I taste the salt
You rest,
I doze to the rhythm of your breath



Edit: Im having difficulty writing poems that dont rhyme. This is a rough one and I know the "beat" isnt quite right.

Would love some pointers!

[3Hotdogs]

1. First of all, the title is inviting. I don't usually stop to read poems. The title caught me.

Leave the first two stanza alone.

Move the third line of third stanza onto the second line...

Of the Saharan dunes in Jesus shoes
You step,
I leave a footprint....


Should Jesus have a possessive apostrophe?


Is this the ending or are you planning to add more?

[backtoblue]

2. Thanks!

I think it needs alot more.

I left off the apostrophe, making the Jesus shoes sound like the sandal's nickname.

[3Hotdogs]

3. Thanks. I hadn't thought of that meaning of Jesus shoes.