Do you live in New England?

[MADem]

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders...

Forget Rednecks .... If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England. If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.

If Vacation means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England. If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in New England. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England. If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked, you live in New England.

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England. If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England. If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England. If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England.

If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England. If you think everyone else has a funny accent, you live in New England.

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends, you live or have lived in New England.

[iscooterliberally]

1. I just spent two years up there.

The first thing I noticed was all the Dunkin Donuts. I told my friends back in South Florida that I could throw a rock in any direction and if I didn't hit a Dunkin Donuts, I would hit a body shop or a car wash. I lived in Eastie and worked near Fenway. I'm back in South Florida now though. I couldn't find a decent paying job while I was up there, but I really loved Boston. I got to vote for Elizabeth Warren while I was up there. I wish everyone from Massachusetts could come down to Florida and vote all the crackpots out of Tallahassee for us. I hope to visit Boston on vacation during 'road construction'. I know the T quite well.

[Crewleader]

2. +1

From another Floridian neighbor who is from Massachusetts and how I agree with you, iscooterliberally!

[iscooterliberally]

3. Actually I grew up in South Florida.

A couple of years ago my wife got a promotion at her job, but it came with a transfer. We moved up to Boston for about two years. That job ran its course, and I got an offer to come back down. I'm really what they call a 'semi-native' in SF. I wasn't born here, but I've lived here since '74. Anyway, welcome to the Sunshine State Crewleader!

[Crewleader]

4. Nice to meet you!

I lived here since '78, two years in Broward County and the rest on the Space Coast!

Welcome back friend!

[MADem]

5. Dunkin has just come out with their version of the Cronut.

More people will be beating a path to their door!

I live very close a Dunkin, myself but I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times I've been in the place. I usually use it if someone can't find my house--I meet them there!

If you can work the public transportation, you're set--you can get anywhere, so long as it's not too late!

[oldandhappy]

6. Enjoyed these. Thanks.

Worked in VT as a ski bum. Later my folks moved there and I ended up there with them as caretaker for several years. Beautiful. Learned to believe that a 20 degree day with snow on the ground and sunshine was just about a perfect day!

[MADem]

7. One of my favorites is the "Snow Beautiful Snow" ones...they never fail to make me laugh....

There are a bunch of different ones out there, some start out more syrupy-sweet than others, but they all end in the same (dark) place!!!

Warning: This version has some FOUL language in it!!!!! Stop reading if the occasional rude word offends!!!

http://www.jokes2000.com/jokes/files/joke9797.htm


[center]A Southerner Moves up North


Jan. 10: It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. My wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

Jan. 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did our driveway and sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

Jan. 12: It snowed an additional 5 inches last night, and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Jan. 13: Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. I went to a chiropractor and spent $145, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

Jan. 14: Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter-panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today.

Jan. 15: 2 degrees outside. More fuckin' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on way to emergency room and was totaled.

Jan.16: Goddamn mother fuckin' white shit keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to open our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Jan.17: Six goddamn more fuckin' inches of fuckin' snow and fuckin' sleet and fuckin' ice and God knows what other kind of white fuckin' shit fell last night. I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an ice axe, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. I haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill -22 fuckin' degrees. I'm moving back to South Carolina!

[oldandhappy]

8. hilarious! Thanks.

Yep. Had to get the hair dryer and all the extension cords in the house our one day in order to thaw the door enough to unlock the car.

[MADem]

9. OMG We've had that kind of thing happen in my neck of the woods too!

Easily the WORST experience when trying to get to work--it's not bad enough you freeze your ass off getting all the snow off the car and shoveling out....then you can't get the damn door open!!!

[angstlessk]

10. Don't forget Coffee Ice Cream

Lagastino subs...fog on a summer beach that does NOT burn off during the day..or the short dogs lined up on a hairy arm..the hairier the arm..the better the dog!

Just a few memories..OH..no parking on the street after midnight

[angstlessk]

11. I LOVED New England, and according to me

Going south meant Connecticut not New York

[MADem]

12. We had coffee ice cream just last week!

How provincial of us, I guess! It did have some chocolate things in it, so it was "tony" coffee ice cream...!

[angstlessk]

13. Never heard of Coffee Ice Cream before Rhode Island

Then there was Iced Coffee...I was from the south Iced Tea country

I preferred New England to anywhere I have ever lived, including my hometown..wish I could afford to go back there

[MADem]

14. For some reason, my family always preferred coffee and pistachio!

None of that boring chocolate, vanilla, strawberry for us!

[angstlessk]

15. Napalitano in New England

Vanilla, Chocolate and Coffee

[avebury]

16. I love coffee ice cream!

I used to buy it all the time when I live in Maine. If you ever go to Hawaii, try out the Kona coffee ice cream. It is too die for!

[avebury]

17. Thanks for posting, you really made my day!

I was born in Maine and live the greater part of my life in New England (including a pit stop to attend college in Burlington, VT). I really miss New England.

[MADem]

18. Come on home!!!! Bring family and friends....

New England misses you, too~!

[Crissy86]

19. Funny....

Sadly it's all true lol