Ex-Catholic with family issues...

[Kath1]

I'm the black sheep of my Italian-Catholic family. I'm the only one who is divorced and I quit the church in 2004 because of my beliefs on contraception and choice. Haven't been back since except for baptisms, weddings and funerals. I raised my daughter from that time on with no religion whatsoever. She was 16 at the time and was relieved to be free of it. I love my family and respect their beliefs but I can't get through one damn holiday or gathering without the issue of choice/contraception coming up. I actually try to avoid it. The recent contraception-Limbaugh-Fluke controversy was the latest argument at a birthday party, of all things. Church-going and devout ex-sister in law actually came to my defense saying her birth control decisions are none of the church's God damn business. That shocked the hell out of me and you could have heard a pin drop. Ended the discussion right away. Love her for that! My parents are in their 80s and we have an understanding - we just agree to disagree on this topic and don't discuss it. That's cool with me. The rest of the family is another matter. I know my sister is convinced I'm gong to Hell and the others are just as bad. Has anyone else had similar issues? It is not in my nature to tell people to F off, although I sometimes feel like it. I am very pro-choice and my circle of friends is very liberal but the family crap is really getting to me. Maybe insomnia is getting to me, too. LOL.

[PDJane]

1. I have a brother I don't talk to.

Similar although not the same problem. I find I feel less like a foundling when I don't attend these things; I have a small family, so it's easier not to deal with it.

[Kath1]

3. Thank you, PDJane.

I'll be attending less of these things. Thanks again.

[left on green only]

2. I am from an Italian family as well.

Only the damning issue for me in my family was my decision not to procreate.

From what you have already said, it sounds like you have realized that they are never going to change you, nor you change them. I think that is the good sign of a healthy and mature attitude on your part, but apparently the rest of your family is not so enlightened.

It would seem to me that in your case, you have two options. The first is that in exchange for having the security of the support of your family unit, you can learn how to steel yourself against the onslaught of their disapproval of you, or you can choose the second option of telling your entire family that you no longer care to associate with them. But choosing the second option comes with a set of terms that you will have to learn how to overcome. Namely, that you are very likely to lose a support network that may serve to buoy you in times of need or distress.

For me, it meant cutting myself out of my family inheritance. Oh well, cie la vie. (That's what I tell the parking lot attendants when I do my shopping at Walmart).

Rick

[Kath1]

4. Thanks for the response.

cie la vie.

[Angry Dragon]

5. The Church says that faith is a very personal matter

and it between you and your god so it is no ones' business except yours.

[Kath1]

7. Thanks!

[crunch60]

6. Hey Kath, I'm a black sheep, a recovering "fallen away" ex- Catholic". Maybe just

go back for one of those events. Pick one. I don't go back for years at a time.They live on one coast, and I live on the other. Something else, I don't care what they think. They are anti-everything. I would just say, " My life, is my business" The older they get, the more fanatic they become. Just send them an occasional e-mail.

Life is short, I wouldn't subject myself to this kind of inner torment, after all, you're an adult and don't need their approval anymore.

[Kath1]

8. Thank you, crunch60

"Recovering Catholic" is how I usually refer to myself in a semi-joking way. "They are anti-everything." - That just about sums it up. Maybe those 8 years of Catholic grade school did a real job on me. I am so glad I spared my daughter from that! She is much more comfortable in speaking her mind and being confrontational about issues than I ever was. Their whole intolerant attitude just drives me nuts. A good friend of mine had an abortion years ago and her Catholic family put her through pure emotional Hell. No one should have to go through that.

[crunch60]

12. Sometime you just have to get rid of the negative people in your life,

difficult as it might be, even family. I went through 14 years at Catholic school. Thank you to my Mom, who was "non Catholic" I had a balancing point from the rest of the fundies. Although she raised me according to Catholic faith, she was a free spirit and showed me through her example, what spirituality was really about. I will always love her for that.
She was a most generous, kind, compassionate and gregarious woman, even though she was ostracized by many in the family. She was also a Tiger! She said in many ways, "You turn one cheek, then the other," then, well, enough of that Shit!

[Kath1]

13. Thanks!

Thank you for your comments and support. Your mom sounds like a great person! I'm working on my issues. "enough of that Shit! " - Thank you. That is how I feel right about now.

[HockeyMom]

9. My daughter and her mother-in-law

Her MIL is really a fanatic. The woman goes to Mass every single day of the week. Her husband told me when she is sick and cannot go out of bed, she watches Mass on TV! He just raises his eyes when she gets into her rants.

Fortunately, my son-in-law is completely turned off to religion because of his mother. They have been married almost 3 years now and she keeps asking when are they going to have a baby. "Is something WRONG?" Is she that DENSE? Apart from that, my son-in-law has said if and when they do have kids, he does not want them to be baptized. Imagine what THAT is going to cause.

My older daughter is a lesbian so then there is another issue with this woman. My daughter tries not to be at her sister's home when this "holy roller" (her quote) is around.

I really feel sorry for not only my daughter, but my son-in-law also. She constantly sends them emails about religion all the time. My daughter has learned to just delete them without even reading them.

[Kath1]

11. I feel sorry for them, too.

It can cause an awful lot of stress.

"My daughter has learned to just delete them without even reading them." Good for her. Probably the best way to handle it.

[TheMastersNemesis]

10. I Believe Karl Marx Once Said "Religion Is The Opiate Of The People.