Is it ADHD, avoidance,, doomscrolling, addiction to caffeine, or am I just being lazy?

[FirstLight]

Finally got the kids out and gor my ""peace" back...milked to for the weekend and just rested a lot and kept the tv off, maybe music but very gentle...

Hurt more yesterday, like my whole body and it's probably also got to do with this crazy wind. I'm on the southern edge of the Nor Cal wave of weather, so not much water or snow, lots of wind for the last 48 hours. That;s part if why I've kept it quiet, to just stay inside and listen to it whipe and roll over the mtns and valleys...

I;m totally avoiding my 3 chapters of text and an 1 1/2 hr movie about end of life care, hospitals and hospice etc...
Both my parents dies in 2022 & 2023 and it's still very raw. We made the decision with mom conscious enough to know what was going on when we said no to a feeding tube and just make her comfortable. She was "locked in" and she did NOT want that pretend life in a bed... no way. It took her 11 days to let go, she was still in and out of coonsciousness because they didnt wanna give her "too much" but she has to suffer through her organs giving out and not having food or anything but a dropper full of some drugs etc... it was horrific.
He stroke was catastrophic, total parallization on the rt side,no ability to speak. Right then, they culd have given her a cocktail and we could have said good bye and given her that doignity...instead it was drawn out and the nurses were the only ones there by the end...and I feel guilty for not being able to sit that vigil either...
Anyway, who needs therapy when we are taking upper division religion and anthropilogy? yikes.

[Think. Again.]

1. You're doing great! You're strong, and you're taking care of yourself so you can be there for others.

(Best thing I've done for myself lately is quit caffeine. It was actually physically painful, but I'm very glad I'm past that and feeling MUCH more balanced now.)

[FirstLight]

2. I have recently diagnosed add from my therapist but havent seen the dr..

I know coffee is my comfort rn and I always stop by a certain time and drink water for the rest of the day.

I'm also just coming down from all my personal trauma since October, then I had a little space and them my son & gf and baby are here for 2 months, and it's ONLY been three days of freedom to try and feel normal and find my groove.

I literally could not go to sleep last night, and the doomscrolling has got to stop ...

[multigraincracker]

3. This helped me a few weeks ago.

I was stuck in a funk a few weeks ago to. Also suffer from ADHD and anxiety.
Sat down and tried to come up with 5 things that were great in my life. First two came easy and then I was stuck. Finally made it to 5. After that more and more came to me.
Looked at my list and found myself coming out of it.
Free to give it a try and good luck.

[FirstLight]

4. Thanks, I'm reading theses chapters on hospice/pallative care etc

and it's hard to look at it so clinically. The book also talks about the insurance companies being the ones who make Dr's round a diagnosis up or down to six months or less or more than a year...

I am texting with my daughter who went through her nana's departure as well with me and we were both devastated. It's a chance for us to talk about how we would have asked for more support if we knew there was any. etc etc

I can look aorund my living room and see pieces of my family all around me and my home is safe and warm from the storm and I thank my Parents for making sure I have this place!