Women and healthcare providers

[XanaDUer2]

I will keep it short: paid 32k for tmj tx. Dentist pushed hard on my jaw week ago yesterday. I went in Thu to buzz down sharp edge and said that my ears now hurt and I'm not comfortable having pressure on my jaw. For the record, my jaw popped outta place 14 months ago.

Got tx. Everything going great. Paid big bucks but worth it! Until last week

Went in yesterday they scanned their own work and its great! I think I'm on the shitlist now for "complaining" last week. Dentist buzzed down latest jag. Then female assistant had a "talk" with me . Basically, I'm an anxious neurotic nut with phantom pain problems.

But its happening. Dentist older white guy. I see them in a month. Hope this settles down bc its gonna break me financially. Have a mild headache. I've been reduced to praying i feel so helpless and hopeless now.

I think women are treated as hysterical nuts a lot of the time vis a vis healthcare. I mean, dude wont admit if he fucked up cause that could be a lawsuit.

AND DO NOT DARE SPEAK UP BC BIG DADDY KNOWS BETTER, PAT ON HEAD CRAZY LITTLE LADY

[crosinski]

1. I believe you XanaDu!

I’m sure your dentist would prefer it if you would just sit there and not complain, but if it hurts, by god, it HURTS, and nobody can know that except for you. You have a right to ask him to be more gentle.

I’m a woman, by the way, and I’ve had my concerns dismissed my doctors too. I’m sorry you’re locked into this guy financially.

[XanaDUer2]

2. Thank you

I think I'm on the shitlist now. I may be dismissed once this phase is complete. Then they text me today that do I want to move my cleaning back bc "i have so much on my plate".

[crosinski]

3. I know it must seem like the dentist has all the power in this situation

But you still have rights. And the right to be heard is one of them. If complaining about pain is enough to get you on his shit list, he’s an odd sort of dentist! But you are there and I am not, and if your intuition is telling you something is odd about this situation, then believe it.

[XanaDUer2]

4. I'm giving up

My left ear hurts. Yes, they seemed offended I talked to him about the concern I had about pressure on my jaw bc I was having irritation post him pushing back on my lower jaw. I said something dumb... i said I'm not accusing... that was probably it... I'm very stressed constantly and maybe i say dumb things the way i communicate...but its been 32k over the last yr.

I'm awaiting a letter from them cutting me loose for saying that. See, until then, everything was going wonderfully and i felt i was in great hands. I'm shocked and upset. Ears ringing. I crossed the line i think. I'm at a loss. Life is so awful lately.

[XanaDUer2]

5. My partner said I would alienate him

I'm at a total loss. I'm not allowed to discuss the fact I'm now having issues immediately after rough pushing on my jaw? My partner is right that many Drs are unhappy with anyone, esp an older woman like me, daring to say anything negative I guess. If i was downswing 5k Id still be upset. He's the expert and I'm the over-sensitive loon who doesn't understand the jaw is stable. Which is great. But I'm still now having pain post him jamming my jaw back.

[crosinski]

6. I think dentists know they are going to be dealing with people in pain.

And they know that working in the mouth can cause pain. Of course I can’t say for certain, but my guess is that it would take a lot more than you discussing your pain to make him angry enough to give up on you.

[XanaDUer2]

7. I hope cro

I took some Tylenol. Things really aren't the same after the jaw pushing. They're not. I'm going to be screwed if they cut me off. I need this damn treatment. I think I'm kinda screwed, frankly. I'm now "the problem patient" who's, ya know, kinda nuts. The assistant spent so much time taking with me, I can barely remember everything she said.

I feel like an idiot now. I can't win. I need to learn to just shut up and take it.

[crosinski]

8. Frankly, I can't imagine that he'd want to refund your money.

You’ve pre-paid, so you’re a valuable patient! Let them postpone your cleaning if you want to do that. Make it as easy on yourself as you can.

[XanaDUer2]

9. Yes. I had to cut into a retirement account

Praying this irritation stops, but its been 9 days. Why I'm worried. And he didn't even have to push them on.

I told them Id be there for the cleaning. I have no clue what they meant by me having too much on my plate. The actual porcelein work I can now tell, is going to be a nightmare now.

They told me they don't move on to phase 2 until they get the money. That, in the past, they had to remove stuff out of ppls mouths. That was an image in my mind, let me say.

And I'm powerless. He fucked me up, I said something, he's pissed, and its too late now. The damage is done and i have no recourse but to continue hoping I'm not harmed anymore or struck off as a patient. Depression bad

[crosinski]

13. Yes, taking money out of a retirement account is always crazy making.

You’ve got several different stressors going on at the same time, don’t you. I know you feel overwhelmed, but I hope you don’t give up and become a passive victim. I still think you have a right to be heard if you have pain at the dentist.

[XanaDUer2]

14. TY SO MUCH!

I don't feel like I've broken some awful taboo. Well, maybe in their fancy dental office. He was overly aggressive, and now he irritated it when he had it perfect. I was very happy and compliant.

My partner is blaming me and telling me he'll dump me as a patient bc I complained and questioned his competency. I fear he may be right. I'm having to take Xanax now over all this stress. I'm in so deep financially I don't even know what that will look like if it comes to pass. They pushed my next appmnt back a month and I thought we were moving closer to next phase.

I was so stunned and embarrassed at "the talk" i was speechless. My partner says i basically have to be quiet now. Or god knows what will happen.

[OldBaldy1701E]

10. "Basically, I'm an anxious neurotic nut with phantom pain problems..."

I would ask them where they got their Psychiatry and/or Psychology degree? Especially since they are working as a Dental Assistant and could make a LOT more money in the other field.

(Good freaking grief.)

[XanaDUer2]

11. Lol

This is basically a super expensive luxury boutique practice. Handles tmj and lots of cosmetic stuff. Dude is prob a multimillionnaire. And they were great until this.

Shes like his right arm. She handles a lot of complex stuff and spends more time with the patient. I'm sure they discussed me post my complaining about my discomfort about pressure on my jaw. Its a unique dental practice. I'm just scared they'll drop me now as a patient. I just want to get this done and move on. I should have stfu. Yeah, the cost is high and I'm concerned.

Maybe i don't think before i speak? She did go on and yes, stress is an element to tmj.

Just sad angry frustrated how things went to shit in less than a minute. The fact its still bothering me mine days later had me concerned for cost and lifetime pain now. I'm at my end frankly.

[OldBaldy1701E]

12. I hear that.

[Ziggysmom]

15. So sorry you experienced that closed minded behavior at your clinic. There are tons of

stories online about women who had illnesses as severe as ovarian cancer and their complaints were not taken seriously. Until the early to mid 1900s, doctors said women had “female hysteria” when their symptoms were unexplainable by any other diagnosis at the time. Sounds like we are still not taken seriously enough.

[XanaDUer2]

16. Thanks

He's a prominent wealthy local dentist with glowing reviews. I'm a nobody. I took an nsaid.

I'm worried he's undone over a yrs worth of jaw progress by pushing on it hard. I can tell he was annoyed. I had full confidence that this horrible issue was in good hands, things were going perfectly.

He said the jaw is stable. I went in 48 hrs after the push to say I'm having pain and that I'm not comfortable having pressure on my lower jaw. That i wasnt accusing... i think thats where I ducked up. Now I'm worried I've pissed them off where I'll be cut loose. I want this over and done. I feel like I attempted murder or something.