I was at a party with a large group of people yesterday.

[zanana1]

I was stressed about it. I'm not good with large groups of people I'm supposed to "small talk" with. I'm a good listener and I can engage in conversation, but I soon run out of things to say. It's very awkward. I'm wondering if I have social anxiety. Do any of you feel this way? What do you do about it?

[fierywoman]

1. Are you an introvert? I finally realized that I am and I politely

decline participation in social groups much bigger than 8. A lot of stress has since been removed from my life!

[Big Blue Marble]

2. My number one rule is get other people to talk about themselves.

They love it and I do not have to say much.

[Ocelot II]

3. I've always been that way.

I don't like parties with a lot of people I don't know because I've never been able to do small talk very well. On the rare occasion when I had to go to one I'd stand by myself by the canapes table and eat cheese and crackers and nurse a glass of wine until I could politely leave, but now that I'm old I don't get invited to parties at all. So the problem has taken care of itself.

[2naSalit]

17. Same here.

I'm an introvert and I know it. I just stay home and watch videos, play with my toys... I am fine all by myself so I just decline most offers.

[Sedona]

4. People always like to talk about themselves

Guide the conversation with FORD

F Ask about their family

O Ask about their occupation

R Ask about their recreation

D Ask about their dreams

[3catwoman3]

6. This is an very good mnemonic.

Thnx.

[a kennedy]

7. Yah, thanks for this, I too have trouble in any size group if I don't really know a lot of people....

FORD indeed. Thanks.

[elleng]

5. Not exactly similar, but I don't do 'small talk,' so prefer to avoid large gatherings

and/or say little. The weather is usually good, as attendees have it in common, good or bad.

[3catwoman3]

8. I am absolutely an introvert. I've often wished...

…I weren’t, but at age 72, there is zero likelihood of that changing.

We were supposed to go to a wine tasting party this evening, hosted by a new friend of my husband’s, whom I have not yet met. I likely would not have known anyone else there. My idea of abject misery is to be in a room full of strangers.

To make it worse, my husband got an email yesterday from the host, promising lots of “fun and games” at the party. I totally HATE party games, which, for the most part, seemed designed to make participant do awkward, uncomfortable and embarrassing things. It would have been a double whammy.

Word games are OK.

Anyway, my husband decided today that he didn’t really want to go, so texted our last minute regrets. I AM SOOOOOOOOO RELIEVED!

[viva la]

11. I know what you mean!

Oh, yay, party cancelled!
I'm the one who helps out-- you know, you'll find me in the kitchen washing the dishes. At least it gets me out of the room. I'm also the one who sits near the door to make a quick exit.

[Wuddles440]

9. As an introvert,

I've struggled with social anxiety most of my life and try to limit my social interactions to relatively small, intimate groups as much as possible (and even these can be challenging on occasion). While not always possible, it helps to attend such functions with a more extroverted personality to stimulate conversations and facilitate your participation.

[viva la]

10. I'm about to face this--

A dinner party where all the men are childhood friends and will spend the entire time talking about Greenview Grade School Football games from 40 years ago (really).
I don't know any of the women. We seem to have nothing in common but men who grew up together. I'm dreading it.

One resort I have is asking questions. I try to ask questions that are relevant and not weird but will get someone talking for awhile. So I'm actually jotting down a list of questions if conversation flags, which it will.

Any ideas for questions? Some of them will have children and grandchildren, but some won't. Some will live locally and some away. Everyone does work, so I could ask about that, how they worked through the shutdown, and so on, I guess.

[Silent Type]

12. Have been that way since my 20s and have accepted it.

[SWBTATTReg]

13. I'll give you a hint that I use for myself. Yes, I do feel that I run out of things to talk about, and others have the

endless gift of gab forever it seems like. That's okay, some people in this world as they say, could sell sand to a camel! My dad and others were like this.

The tips I do is to write down on an index card or cheat sheet (small enough you can put in your wallet/etc.), 10 or 15 interesting topics that you enjoy. It seems like when you are offline, not distracted, you can come up w/ any number of things to chat about.

And remember, they're probably (more than likely) kind of in the same boat w/ you too, 'little conversations' make some people nervous.

Good luck and take care, and...Have a Happy New Year's Eve!

[Woodwizard]

14. I am a introvert.

Took me years to realize I can just be comfortable not initiating small talk. It is not an obligation to have conversation. I do try to ask people about themselves that takes some of the pressure off.

Now if it is a subject I am interested in I can yakk away.

[Siwsan]

15. I let myself get talked in to going to a very holiday themed restaurant

It's a big place in Frankenmuth, MI (a Bavarian themed tourist town) famous for their chicken. It was far overdone with very bright and flashy Christmas decorations, packed with customers and LOUD. I struggled to suppress a full out anxiety attack, the whole time.

I should have taken some anxiety medication before we left but a nice German beer helped me get through the situation. Not something I'd recommend to everyone but it took a bit of the edge off.

[Tesha]

16. Oh yes, I too feel weird in large groups

So I just don’t any more, and when I must? I find a talker and keep feeding them questions they will love to answer, and then I escape as soon as I can.

I really enjoy being home, and I’m realizing just how many of us there are.

[Iris]

18. Yes. I have medication for depression. But at recent appointment, my PA suggested I may have generalized anxiety

My meds for depression help but switching to something more suited to treating anxiety may help.

I also heard the author of The Six Conversations on NPR over the holidays. Not sure it would help in large groups but it still has me thinking about conversations - https://heatherholleman.com/books-2/six-conversations/