This is supposed to be an important post,
due to its number. Maybe I should not overshare, but I am terrified.
I have lung cancer. Yes, I smoked for most of my adult life. I have quit many times, unsuccessfully. I swear it is hard because there is another smoker in the house. When I decide to cheat, I just reach out for my hubby's pack of smokes.
Please send prayers, healing vibes, whatever you think will help. I have a great deal of guilt and fear.
I have a couple of other medical problems that may or may not be connected to this, I don't know.
I fell on August 8 and had a brain bleed. I got up in the night to use the bathroom. There are boxes and bags strewn around our house because the kitchen and laundry room are being remodeled. I ended up in the hospital for five days. I had already had the CT scan, where they found the lung mass. They did not schedule me to go back until 9/7. I will find out then if this is malignant, I think.
A whole month! That terrifies me. Maybe I am too far gone to be helped. I am 74. The mass is greater than 8mm and is a solitary pulmonary module.
Maybe 74 is too old to ask for help.
I am also being scanned for compression fractures to my spine. I have osteoporosis. This is the third time I have had compression fractures. I hope the cancer has not metastasized to my spine. I picked up a microwave and carried it back to the kitchen because my husband would not help. It was too much for my back. He cooperates when he feels like it.
I will not know results until 9/13. That is a long time.
I will keep you posted. I am only asking for support, not medical advice. I am sure I will have all sorts of doctors weighing in.
If I sound critical of my husband, well, I know he is in shock, too. He does not know how to react.
snowybirdie
(5,592 posts)We wish you well and peace. Good luck!
PJMcK
(22,840 posts)Be safe.
IjustDontlikeRepugs
(725 posts)Best medical attention and best of luck. Stay positive if possible. Does not help to worry about things you cant control.
I was a husband a couple of times. I know how we be.
MLAA
(18,570 posts)Sending you all the best! You are never too old to need and ask for help from your friends. DUers are your friends.💖💖💖
MacKasey
(1,167 posts)And keep you safe in the palm of his hands
LetMyPeopleVote
(154,026 posts)blm
(113,789 posts)hlthe2b
(106,058 posts)support and caring friends-- however anonymous-- here.
I will continually hope that you get the best possible news and outcome, even if that may require some difficult treatment and patience.
Croney
(4,867 posts)I'm confused about the dates. If you don't know results until 9/13, maybe it's not malignant? Wishing you the best outcome possible.
murielm99
(31,411 posts)But it is staring me in the face. I am having a PET scan on 9/7. They will tell me the results on 9/13.
Croney
(4,867 posts)with curative intent. I'm not a doctor but my doctor is watching something similar with me (a never-smoker). I go once a year for a scan, and it hasn't changed. I hope yours is similar.
murielm99
(31,411 posts)due to its size. I hope it can be removed.
You are kind to be so supportive. Thank you.
Croney
(4,867 posts)soldierant
(7,815 posts)I had a ten-pound endometrioma which was benign. But there's a lot more potential room in a uterus than there is in a lung sac.
Quitting smoking is hard. It was certainly the hardest thing I ever did. And I once met a lovely lady who was a recovering alcoholoc and a recovering heroin addict but could not quit smoking - that was harder than either of the other two.
dixiechiken1
(2,113 posts)Wishing you the best. Please keep us posted. 🙏❤️
multigraincracker
(33,957 posts)Turned out not to be cancer and shrunk up and went away. They can go either way.
LakeArenal
(29,742 posts)Please to keep deep breathing to help your anxiety.
Science is still creating miracles. Hope the next is for you.
cate94
(2,881 posts)Hoping the Pet scan shows no malignancies.
SheltieLover
(59,449 posts)Bernardo de La Paz
(50,824 posts)Forgiving yourself and your husband will help you heal deeper and better.
Maine Abu El Banat
(3,479 posts)But it is unfortunately when you really have to start fighting for it. For profit healthcare sucks. Good luck! You got this.
Wicked Blue
(6,604 posts)Sending hugs and hopes...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
irisblue
(34,155 posts)paleotn
(19,064 posts)ancianita
(38,234 posts)Your anxiety will lessen in a week. Your treatment will be clearer, and you'll likely come out of this better than you fear right now.
Stay open. Breathe. Take care. Don't beat yourself up.
colorado_ufo
(5,915 posts)Make your health a priority.
Walleye
(35,108 posts)Not a tobacco smoker but I smoked weed All my life so I was scared. The nodule was discovered in a CAT scan in preparation for radiation treatment for breast cancer. They postponed the radiation treatment and wedged nodule out between my ribs. Fortunately it was benign. They tested all the lymph nodes and everything. I sure hope yours turns out good and if its cancer that is treatable and curable. Please know we are with you
Ocelot II
(120,404 posts)jmbar2
(6,039 posts)Hoping for a positive outcome, but it is a long wait for you. Hang in there.
All of us at some time will be facing serious health issues. We can learn from each other. Thanks for sharing.
LoisB
(8,505 posts)possible. Try to stay positive. We are here.
JohnSJ
(96,339 posts)LaMouffette
(2,236 posts)nothing worse than feeling alone in a time of crisis, so please know that you are not alone.
I am sending you my prayers and healing vibes and wishing you the very best outcome!
appleannie1
(5,198 posts)It filled one lung completely and had spread to his liver. Doctors gave him 3 months at most. He went through the chemo and radiation. Pet scan showed no living cancer cells in his body. He lived for 5 more years and died of something else. There is always hope and you can continue living your life. Just don't give up....
c-rational
(2,855 posts)onecaliberal
(35,646 posts)You can always come here for support. Try to rest and take good care of yourself.
calimary
(84,119 posts)It took courage to take some time to share this with us. I can only guess how awash in conflicting feelings you must be.
Were all here to keep a vigil and lift you up. Youre not alone.
FeelingBlue
(758 posts)Peace in uncertainty and the comfort of knowing you have friends who care about you. Look at this list!!! All the very best to you.
StarryNite
(10,745 posts)niyad
(119,489 posts)for you. Lean as much as you need.
gademocrat7
(11,145 posts)Take care and keep us updated.💙💙
Delmette2.0
(4,260 posts)I will be 70 next month. And have smoked for 50 years. I lost count of the number of time I have tried to quit. My medical problem is COPD and scoliosis and osteoporosis.
It all started from being born without a right pulmonary artery. That caused the scoliosis. The rest is a long story of dominoes.
I have had colon cancer, stage 2. No chemo needed. 2 1/2 years later I am still doing fine .
The only thing I know is that you need stories about positive outcomes. Don't let anyone tell you anything negative.
murielm99
(31,411 posts)I am sending you prayers and support, too. We can help each other.
Delmette2.0
(4,260 posts)Lots of supportive folks there. I didn't know what to expect or what to ask questions about.
PM me any time. I can always "listen".
murielm99
(31,411 posts)It will take about two hours. They will check my compression fractures to the spine and the solitary pulmonary (lung) nodule greater than 8mm.
Wish or pray for a good outcome for me! Thanks for your support.
Delmette2.0
(4,260 posts)Just to have someone close by to talk with. The scan won't give you any immediate information. You just need to have a calming distraction.
My son always seems to have a story to tell me as a distraction to my own worries. Something involving his job, a friend, or a feel good story on the news. (DU Lounge comes to mind if you are going in alone.)
I will have you on my mind all day.
lostnfound
(16,572 posts)Please do not give up. Dont feel guilt. And dont let any doctor do anything less than they would for a 60-year old. YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Because of the brain bleed, they found it earlier than they otherwise would have. That is a lucky thing. Treatments are getting better. Greater than 8 mm is not such a high risk, hopefully not greater than 20 mm?
But Sep 7 is only 2 days away, right?
Farmer-Rick
(11,223 posts)This may NOT happen to you but I thought you should know other people have been where you are and have come out the other end OK. This happened about 10 years ago when my spouse was 60.
My spouse smoked all their life. Maybe quit once or twice but not seriously. They were smoking when I took them to the doctors because they had a slight fever and constant coughing.... before COVID.
The doctor diagnosed lung cancer and pneumonia caused by lung cancer. There were a couple of masses in the lungs. We went home with antibiotics for the pneumonia and a week later, we went to a specialist who set up to do a biopsy. The specialist said it wasn't a guarantee that it was lung cancer. The pneumonia had cleared up by then.
We went to the hospital for the biopsy. I waited in the hospital waiting room and the doctor came out immediately to tell me the results. They didn't wait days and I was told in the waiting room about the results. The results were also mailed to us a week later.
It was negative. There was no Cancer. The masses were benign possibly caused by the pneumonia, they didn't know for sure what caused them, aside from smoking.
I quit smoking the day they said the word cancer to my spouse. My spouse never quit but I did. Now is your chance to quit for good. Quitting will only help you even now.
I hope things will turn out well for you. Hang in there.
Delphinus
(12,125 posts)Sending you much love to help you find peace during this unknowing time.
Evolve Dammit
(18,454 posts)KatK
(203 posts)Native
(6,352 posts)Stay positive and advocate like hell for yourself. Please keep us updated. You're gonna be fine. And you've learned a valuable lesson. Don't wait for your husband to help, ask for it and if necessary, demand it. I go thru the same thing with my spouse, and more often than not he's just in his own head and hasn't a fucking clue. If I ask politely, he's happy to help.
And if you have a friend or another relative who can go with you to your appointments, that could be very helpful. It's hard to remember what the doc has said when you are emotionally distraught, and even harder to ask necessary questions. Having someone advocate for you when you can't helps immensely.
aocommunalpunch
(4,366 posts)The fear alone is more than enough for anyone to deal with. If virtual thoughts and hugs mean anything, Im sending them your way.
iluvtennis
(20,780 posts)CaptainTruth
(7,182 posts)PortTack
(34,471 posts)question everything
(48,721 posts)who can move in to help while the remodeling and boxes are around?
Hoping for better news
murielm99
(31,411 posts)and he did a bit more. Our son is in Vermont right now, on a planned vacation. When he gets back, I am going to hog tie him to my kitchen.
bucolic_frolic
(46,740 posts)JudyM
(29,509 posts)Hang in. ((Hug)).
Duppers
(28,243 posts)One of my best friends, also 74, is dying of lung cancer. She was diagnosed last yr and given only a year to live. However, with her physicians' aggressive treatment, her time has been extended another year!!!
One of her treatments caused temporary blindness which, for her, was most difficult for her because she lives by herself. (Was divorced a number of times.)
She never smoked tobacco but used a bong and vaped weed nightly for many decades. She was a manager for the IRS, so her m.j. use never interfered with her work.
She's also a Dem and has a heart of gold!!
pazzyanne
(6,595 posts)Now, you came to the right place to get support, encouragement, advise from personal experiences, suggestions, etc. Prayers, good thoughts, and blessings being sent to you. Take care of you while you wait, because waiting is the hardest thing you will be doing.
vlyons
(10,252 posts)Ask your health insurance if you are covered to have an LVN do a weekly visit. You might consider having a house cleaner come once a week also.
Of course, no more smoking, and only you can do that. Can you spend 15 minutes everyday in contemplative thought (meditation) affirming your aspiration to be free of the smoking habit? Something like: "I aspire to be free of the urge to smoke. When that urge arises, I aspire to tell myself that if I sit quietly and relax, the urge will go away."
There are other things you can do to quell the urge to smoke. Drink a glass of water. Suck on a hard candy. Sit and listen to some relaxing music.
It ain't easy being a senior. I'm 75 and there are days when getting old really sucks. We all of us are going to die. We cannot escape death. Just like we cannot escape getting and having ill health. I tell myself: When all appearances of this life dissolve, may I with happiness and great ease let go of all attachments. Like a child returning home.
Solly Mack
(92,464 posts)SoFloDenny
(58 posts)I smoked for 40 years; close to two packs a day. Fortunately I don't have these issues you are experiencing. Although I do have to spend $45,000 to replace my teeth. So, not life threatening. And thankful for that.
To all who still smoke, lots to look forward to...
tavernier
(13,258 posts)Too bad. I frown on people who havent had 75 years of life experience and know that there is a wonderful spiritual world all around us. Prayers and positive thoughts are exceedingly healthy. And laughter. Get rid of all that bad air and energy with as much laughter as you can pack into your day. Surround yourself with positive people and memories. No stewing over what you may have done wrong in previous years. Not helpful.
And keep listening to Elton singing our song: Im Still Standing!
highplainsdem
(52,114 posts)so very sorry to hear about this. But treatments for cancer are very good now. A friend of mine, a smoker -- well, former smoker since he quit after the diagnosis --lost a lung to lung cancer more than 30 years ago, but is still doing well.
So sorry to hear about the fall, too. Please try to have at least some light on at night, if there's any risk of falling/tripping.
No, 74 is NOT too old to ask for help. Nor is it too old to think in terms of improving your health, once you get past this crisis, as I'm praying you will, very soon.
As for your husband -- he should know better and do better. You deserve him to be more responsible.
Please keep us posted.
Warpy
(113,130 posts)and the mass in your lung could definitely be related to it. Hubby needs to quit, too, if he wants to keep you around for a while. Even if he switches to vaping, it can help your effort to quit.
Good luck. I've watched a lot of people struggle to quit.
murielm99
(31,411 posts)Warpy
(113,130 posts)The person to ask about this is your oncologist once your biopsy is done and the results are in. I'm sorry, but I can't answer your question, I don't know enough about what's going on.
I do know you're going to have to quit, and your husband is most likely going to have to hide his butts outside the house so you can't bum one, which is why getting him a vaping kit for inside the house might be a good idea.
My favorite quitting method was my mother's. She was diagnosed with early COPD and came home in a panic. My dad fixed her with a cold stare and said "You won't quit, you don't have the guts." She never smoked again.
If only I'd known it was that easy when I was growing up, gagging on smoke.
murielm99
(31,411 posts)I guess I was scared out of smoking. I have had one cigarette since the 26th of July.
My doc knows I have quit.
I am supposed to start Warfarin again after being off it for three weeks because of the brain bleed. I am having trouble getting confirmation on that. It is because of the holiday. I have a-fib, and it is dangerous for me to be off Warfarin for too long.
lostnfound
(16,572 posts)It decreases the absorption of calcium and slows the production of cells that produce bone.
Thats different than causing cancer.
murielm99
(31,411 posts)all your kind support and encouraging stories. Some of you are people I have never interacted with, and yet you are here for me.
Wild blueberry
(7,168 posts)I feel best sitting in Nature, breathing in the greenery and birdsong.
Maraya1969
(22,976 posts)Skittles
(158,430 posts)NEVER think you are "too old" for help......74 is a pup compared to someone who is 100!
we are HERE for you, someone is always here on DU......please do keep us posted, we care
pandr32
(12,140 posts)Don't give up! Damn those cancer sticks...
NNadir
(34,533 posts)These were not available when my father - also a smoker - got lung cancer.
I visited my sister-in-law this weekend, a cancer survivor, she's in her 7th year of remission.
All the best of luck.
BigDemVoter
(4,522 posts)Don't blame yourself. Cigarette companies purposefully made highly addictive cigarettes.
Just focus on yourself and on doing what you need to do.
Meanwhile, I will hope that this is just a scare and nothing more. Please take care of yourself!
crickets
(26,148 posts)stage left
(3,015 posts)and tried for years to quit smoking. I know how hard this addiction is to battle. Don't beat yourself up about it. As others have said, even if it turns out to be cancer, treatment is so much better these days. You can beat this. Hugs and best wishes.
MOMFUDSKI
(7,080 posts)My sister-in-law, who never even tried a cig, came up with lung cancer 5 years ago. Talk about there being no justice in this world. Anyway, she had chemo and is now cancer free. There is always hope and good docs. I rationalize my smoking by saying I will live the life I choose. So when it hits the fan there is no feeling guilty allowed. Go with the flow and do your best. You are not alone. Especially here on DU. Keep us posted.
herding cats
(19,612 posts)My wishes are for a full healing and a long and happy life thereafter!
Cozmo
(1,402 posts)who can look out for you. Your health and comfort are in your hands. Don't carry things that are too heavy, watch your step. You are the one in charge and since you can't escape yourself, you always have a friend, ally and helper. Take care
Cha
(304,881 posts)BigmanPigman
(52,208 posts)has had the exact same condition and problems with her smoking, lung cancer, falling, etc. It is bad. However my friend's husband was 100% supportive and it made all the difference in the world. I hope your guy gets it together soon, for both your sakes
UpInArms
(51,753 posts)I wish I could just sit by your side and hold your hand until you are well
Hekate
(94,400 posts)I had an Aunt Muriel, nicknamed Mickey, and we loved her dearly.
74 isnt too old to ask for help I am 74, too. No advice, just sending you love in a scary time.
Be Peaceful
Be Happy
Be Safe
Awaken to the Light of your True Nature
Be Free
brer cat
(26,115 posts)Sending you the best thoughts and prayers for your recovery.
Joinfortmill
(16,336 posts)Quiting smoking is very, very difficult for some of us. I quit in 2006. I remember it well because I was brought to the hospital by my manager, incoherent. I had contracted Legionnaire's Disease. I was able to finally quite after 40+ years, because I spent a week in the hosptial filled with drugs.
Just take care of yourself. Take one day at a time. It's also ok to be afraid. Actually, it's ok to feel whatever it is you feel. Please keep us updated. God bless.
markie
(22,892 posts)let go of the guilt... love yourself...
Bob Marley said "you never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice"
mountain grammy
(27,198 posts)from this 74 year old. I hope this all turns out well and you're not too old to ask for help.
Tanuki
(15,277 posts)for you and your husband. You were right to ask for help! Just look at all the love and support you have right here on DU.
sellitman
(11,662 posts)Glad I quit over 35 years ago. I hope I quit in time.
wendyb-NC
(3,762 posts)I will pray and hold you in the healing light, may you find peace and serenity away from the fear and especially any and all guilt. Please take care of yourself, love yourself and ask for healing. Get well and thrive.
Stuart G
(38,726 posts)babylonsister
(171,570 posts)Please 'don't borrow trouble'. I find you just have to deal with it as it comes as you have done your whole life. Please try to stay positive.
PittBlue
(4,376 posts)I had a heart event last year and dealing with it everyday. You and I have a lot of living to do. Sending you love, peace and good vibes. May the Force be with you.💕
summer_in_TX
(3,161 posts)With so many advances now in cancer treatment, cures and long-lasting healing are becoming more and more routine.
Scalded Nun
(1,331 posts)sprinkleeninow
(20,540 posts)🕯
electric_blue68
(17,695 posts)never too late to ask for help
Hopefully a successful removal, NO Reoccurrence!
(and your poor spine, too )
DFW
(56,413 posts)Six years ago, during a routine checkup, which my wife gets because she already had cancer in 2001, she was found to have a rare form of cancer that only strikes elderly or very slender women. It is always fatalstatistically, anywayand has the nickname the murderer since thats what it usually is. She was fast-tracked into a cancer clinic here that specializes in womens ailments. The surgeon told us up front that this was about the worst diagnosis she could have, BUT: he had never seen the murderer in such an early stage before.
A long operation was scheduled. It took nearly six hours. Eighty-four lymph nodes were removed and taken for biopsy. For the first couple of days, she was hooked up to a spinal morphine drip for pain, and she only had to push a button to get increased flow, which she never hesitated to use. To avoid addiction, they begged her to stop using it as soon as she thought she could handle the pain, which she did after three days. Then came the waiting on the 84 biopsies. That took days. Finally, we got the call. I drove to the clinic, as spouses were expected to be present for support. The surgeon came in and said, well, I have never seen this before, EVER. ALL 84 biopsies came back negative. Our next question, obviously, was: ok, what does that mean for us? He said it was her choice to do a round of chemo or not, but for the first time ever, he recommended against it. My wife remembered her first round of chemo, and how she suffered, so she said shed take her chances foregoing it. I said that whatever she decided was what I decided. That was six years ago, and there has been no hint of a recurrence. Just about all the women in her family have had cancer twice, including her mom, who will turn 95 this month. They all lived well past 90.
I havent yet had the honor, but both my parents had cancer, and so did ALL of their siblings. With me, its not if, but when. I only hope I can face it as bravely when the time comes.
But modern medicine is always making progress, and a diagnosis that used to be terminal thirty years ago is not necessarily that now. These days, the chance of a worst case scenario is far lower than it was a generation ago. The cigarettes have got to go. Yours and your husbands. I realize that sawing off your own leg might be an easier task.
There are always the stories about that uncle who smoked 14000 cigarettes a year (2 packs a day) and lived to be 101. My wife lost a girlfriend who smoked like that to lung cancer at age 36. I had a great friend decades ago. He was 22 years older than I. He was from Paris, but had Dutch ancestors, and bright blond hair, which saved his life as a teenager. At age 14, he was considered a model Aryan schoolboy by the Nazi occupiers of France. They never suspected that he snuck out at night and fired machine guns at them after dark. Even decades later, when he had a travel agency in Paris, knew and adored my wife, still would never visit us in Germany. He said there was no way either of us could understand, but he could never set foot in that country. His travel agency was a small office, and everyone in there smoked. He was the only non-smoker in there. I lost him to lung cancer in 2002, when he was 72. Despite the age difference, he was one of the best friends I ever had. Dont saw off your leg, but dont hesitate to ask your husband to quit, either. Maybe that post about meditation had some good advice. I know a woman in Paris who kicked it at age 72 with acupuncture. Anything! Just be thinking about the advice youll be giving people on DU five years from now!! The longest journey, as they say
Response to murielm99 (Original post)
DFW This message was self-deleted by its author.
Roy Rolling
(7,165 posts)Im also challenged with a progressive condition that never has a good outcome. People want to speculate on their own version of life and death in times like these. Hearing from others how Im at some step in their made-up version of life after death is seldom helpful.
Avoid that urge.
Comfort others, its a journey weour soul, us, the spiritual essence, whatever you call itall eventually make. As inevitable as taxes, it isnt a burden if you look at taxes as a sacrifice, something paid as the price for a good material life.
Youve served a lot of people and benefiting others both materially and spiritually. For that, I celebrate the muriel99 I know. It isnt much, but celebrate your life along with me, wont you? 😘😻
littlemissmartypants
(25,123 posts)Kath2
(3,147 posts)As another smoker having health issues I can relate, somewhat, with your feelings. Wishing you all the best for healing and recovery.
trof
(54,270 posts)Far from it.
I'm 81 and I get medical help almost daily.
See my post about quitting smoking.
Maybe you husband can use it.