I'm afraid my friend is going to kill herself

[Contrary1]

"Mary" has been going through a lot the last few years, much to her own poor decisions. She even admits to that much. She lost her husband, her job, and her home because of these decisions.

There's no point in going into the hows and whys of all this...she is where she is.

Mary ended up, because of financial reasons, moving in with her unmarried daughter, along with her two kids. No judgment here, just background.

Having Grandma living there meant the daughter had a free babysitter, cook, etc...at least, that's how my friend sees it. My friend felt used, and trapped. There are two sides to every story.

Ok...I can see this becoming a novel, so I will cut to the chase...

She started drinking heavily about 2 years ago. Back in early February, she had a stroke. The doctor prescribed meds, and was trying to ween her off the alcohol. And she did ok for about 2 weeks.

Two weeks ago, she overdosed purposely on Xanax, said she didn't care. And now, she's back to drinking again. Her excuse is that she can only tackle one problem at a time. Once she gets out of this depression/suicidal mode (via professional help, which she hasn't gotten yet), she will quit the drinking.

The daughter has had enough...she's afraid the kids will come home from school and find Grandma dead. She is going to move in with her current boyfriend, but tells me she will continue to pay her share of the rent, as long as needed.

Now, I know I don't have the complete story from either of them, but right now, that doesn't matter. My friend needs help, and I don't know how to do that.

We started out as neighbors, and then became good friends. She hired me to be an assistant manager where she worked at the time. She was like the sister I never had.

And now...she is not returning my calls. I love her, I want to help...I just don't know how.

Edit to add...she is turning 60 this Friday. That will be an added downer.

[hollysmom]

1. I sympathize with you but am the wrong person to give advice

I had a friend who did commit suicide, so obviously not good at stopping them

Just remember you can't live other people's lives for them, what ever she does is her own responsibility. Sometimes you can stop one attempt, but not anther. Her family is probably closer to help.

[Old Codger]

2. She quit once

I do not know what can be done for her unless she wants the help, she quit once and apparently was successful for a time period, what did she use as a program to quit before? If AA she needs to get to meetings immediately she needs to call her sponsor, or if you know who it is you need to call. Sometimes there is nothing that can be done by anyone. I know this is not a lot of help but it is all I can see at this point. Unless she will either check herself in someplace that can help or someone can have her involuntarily committed or unless you or someone can "babysit" her. sadly we are all stuck in a position that sometimes there really is no way to stop these downward spirals.

If you live close by visit as much as possible.

[NMDemDist2]

3. Xanax is notorious for 'rebound depression'

that stuff is poison. and when an active alkie is taking it it's worse.

cross tolerance and cross addiction result, it's a potent and often fatal mix.

she needs inhouse detox for her dual addiction. wish i had better news but that combo is incredibly dangerous and Xannies aren't something you want to try and quit 'cold turkey' and alcohol withdrawal can kill you, especially at her age.

if she wants help, find an inhouse recovery house and get her a bed.

good luck.

if you'd like to read more about it, i recommend a book "Under the Influence" by Milham and Ketchen. it describes the physical addiction process in layman's terms and is great info.

http://www.amazon.com/Under-Influence-Guide-Realities-Alcoholism/dp/0553274872/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1363271002&sr=8-1&keywords=under+the+influence+a+guide+to+the+myths+and+realities+of+alcoholism