Last edited Thu Jul 25, 2024, 03:09 PM - Edit history (19)
for 4 years. Then I began to drink one or two beers at a restaurant and no more. I did that for two years. Maybe two times a week. I only drank near beer at home. Had a crisis where I drank for a few days. I was going through a very stressful/painful situation all along (being targetted by evil people). Those few days I drank I was in a dire situation. Quit.
Then after 5 years, I allowed myself I drink a day and I was obsessed with it. I would plan all day what that drink would be. I should have quit then. I binge drank 3 times all totalled during that period. The rest of the time i had one drink.This lasted 8 months or so. The last time I drove drunk. I hit a fence and not anybody else thank God. Quit for good.
Went to AA. I was thankful my family didn't abandon me or make me pay for the car i totalled. The third chapter in the AA book, where you hand your power away to a god (in my case nature and my ancestors), because in fact you have no power over alcohol, and it worked. It spoke to me. And so did the judge who insisted I go to AA. And my relief at not hurting anyone.
I like going out with people who have a few drinks. They get so sweet and I enjoy the sweetness.
Your family loved you, cared enough to know you, and may have saved your life. Be thankful for that. And try AA. It works for lots of people. The little book goes into what worked for many, many people and hopefully you'll find something in that mash-up of experiences that speaks to you.
As to interventions, my brother lived in Japan for 30+ years. He liked to go out with the expats and drink. He met a lovely lady there and stopped going out so much.with the boys. They adored each other. When he would come home to Canada to visit he would drink moderately. Often not at all. So he was quite in denial about his health and during covid when he was isolated from his girlfriend (they lived in different cities in Japan, their relationship was in flux) he was drinking a lot. And we didn't know. And he was so sick. I burdened him with some of the facts of my trauma. That caused him more anxiety.
He emailed us and sounded stressed out and not coping well with covid and the online classes he was teaching but was on the other side of the world. He ended every email with I love you. One of the last times I talked with him by email about seeing a psychologist to deal with his anxiety, he was open to that and was planning on that, to get medication. I had no idea he was drinking anything at all - still.
That step to seeing a psychologist was probably accepting he had to quit because he would have been having symptoms in his gut that scared the hell out of him and it is well known psycholigists would ask him to quit drinking. He was probably terrified.
I thought he was in lockdown and had no access to going out. Then he died. He just bled out. Turns out he wasn't someone who presented as drunk when he drank to excess. His huge group of friends said that. His girlfriend said had they been together she would have stepped in but they were not. He wanted to drink. He did. He fooled himself. He was terrifyed. Then he died at 59. He would have had a two a beers a night in the 10 years he lived with his partner. He hid his bad health well.
That is my greatest regret that we did not intervene. He died an agonizing death. It took his workmates a few days to get worried when he was missing from the classes he taught. We were devastated. I wish we had taken the reigns and intervened! Neither my parents nor my grandparents were alcoholics so we had little experience with the issue.
After the first intervention for my drinking problem, there was an idea I read about that was from a doctor that said "alcoholism is when drinking causes serious problems in your life and you keep drinking".
My family we able to take care of me with the intervention. I take care of them with the things i have done and do. That is love and worth forgiveness. You would not want them to live with the regret of losing you. Interventions are care.
Hope that helps.
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