Hi, my name is Tav

[tavalon]

Fourteen years ago, I went into recovery for codependency. It saved my life, or rather, with its help, I saved my life. Unfortunately, I didn't keep up my practice with the years and with it being such an insidious disease, I guess it was only a matter of time.

Last year, I contacted an old friend (actually, my first husband). He was out of work. He only seemed to call when there was a crisis and I felt sorry for him so yeah, I sent money. Also, he used to be the best programmer ever, so, living in Seattle, I invited him to come stay with us and look for a job in Seattle. It's a target rich environment. When he got here, I was shocked. Somehow, I had missed that he was a prescription drug addict. He overused his medicine and when he ran out he would have seizures. He was here three months. We told him that if he didn't have any leads by the end of November we would be sending him back. He was surprised when we actually got him a ticket. I think he really thought we wouldn't do it. At the last minute he asked me to change where he was going so he could crash with a friend. And yeah, I did it. Friend is kicking him out tomorrow. I have no idea if that means kicking him out into the snow or to a shelter or ___________. It's taken all of my will power not to ask.

Sure seems like this post is all about him, huh? Nope. It's about me. I got soul sick again. 14 years later and the hole was just as deep and the mountain is just as high. The only difference is I know what I have to do. Detach with love. Let go and Let _______. No more rescuing, no more enabling. I can't save him. I can only save me. I'm heartsick but I'm back in recovery, going to meetings and reading my books again. Journaling again. I'd like to say I'm living one day at a time, but I'm working on one hour at a time right now. I'm terrified that he will die and yet, I have to let go. It's not up to me. It never was.

Sometimes, though, I remember to breathe.

Thanks for listening. And hey, just like at meetings, it's okay not to offer me advice. I'd actually prefer that you didn't. Virtual hugs are gratefully accepted though.

[LiberalAndProud]

1. . . .

[tavalon]

6. Thank you

[BeHereNow]

2. The timing of your post...

Is so great.
My friend of 25 years is a script addict.
She recently came into our lives again after a long absence.
Spending three hours with her, trying to help, takes three days to recover from, for me.
I wont bore you with the details of the history, but recently, I had to detach- again.
It's Christmas and for about two seconds I thought about inviting her to dinner, as
I know she is living only a few blocks away and probably doesn't have much to eat.
She never does and I think, do not know, but suspect any spare change she has
goes to buying pain killers off the street.
So thank you for reminding me, it is not up to me either and I can
make myself sick trying to change that fact.
((((((((hug))))))))
BHN

[tavalon]

4. That wasn't my intent

but I'm grateful to my higher power (as I see my higher power) for saying something that not only helped me stay steady but also helped others as well. I had never heard the term script addict and yet that's what the doctors call their prescription pads for short so it makes perfect sense.

Wow, three hours equals three days! Yeah, that sounds about right, but dang, while the worst of the enabling occurred in the last three months, there was the year before. As George Takei would say, "oh, myyyy". I see a lot of work in my future.

(((hug)))

Tav

[cordelia]

3. No advice, but sending

you some virtual hugs.

Take care of yourself.

[tavalon]

5. Thank you

It was scary sending him that note when I'm about six months too early to do it without Faking it til I make it, but I knew with every fiber of my being that he was going to write today, he's getting kicked out of another house today. He hasn't though. I don't know if he didn't get the email or if he actually understood that I was setting a non-negotiable boundary. Ah, yet another thing to let go of.

A friend of mine gave me a little stuffed animal that is a rat. I'm a huge rattie fan. I even work at a rattie rescue. Anyway, after much deliberation, I decided his name would be Detachment Ratment Dickens. Any other day, he might have gotten a cuter name, but I need the reminder, today. And heck, who says you can't change a name later, right?