Fighting the patriarchy one grandpa at a time

[CousinIT]

https://motherwellmag.com/2018/11/21/fighting-the-patriarchy-one-grandpa-at-a-time/

. . .


“Papa! Please back up! Mae would like some space for her body.” My voice is firm but cheerful. He does not move.

“Papa. I should not have to ask you twice. Please back up. Mae is uncomfortable.”

“Oh, relax,” he says, ruffling her wispy blonde hair. The patriarchy stands, patronizing me in my own damn kitchen. “We’re just playin’.” His southern drawl does not charm me.

“No. You were playing. She was not. She’s made it clear that she would like some space, now please back up.”

“I can play how I want with her.” He says, straightening his posture. My chest tightens. The sun-bleached hairs on my arms stand at attention as this man, who has been my father figure for more than three decades, enters the battle ring.

“No. No, you cannot play however you want with her. It’s not okay to ‘have fun’ with someone who does not want to play.”

. . .

It would be so easy to see a little girl being taught that her wishes don’t matter. That her body is not her own. That even people she loves will mistreat and ignore her. And that all of this is “okay” in the name of other people, men, having fun.

But. What I see instead is a little girl watching her mama. I see a little girl learning that her voice matters. That her wishes matter. I see a little girl learning that she is allowed and expected to say no. I see her learning that this is not okay.

[niyad]

1. Thank you so much for bringing this here. A very important lesson about the

everyday, insidious actions of the learned patriarchy, and how it needs to be challenged at every level.

[CrispyQ]

2. Everyone who interacts with children should read this.

Not only for the behavior that's unacceptable, but to be aware of the behavior that says, "I don't want this. Help me"

[LakeArenal]

3. I never had a "terrible"experience.

But I had an Uncle (and aunt) very much older, who was more of a grandpa than uncle.

Never said or did any beyond:

He licked his lips before he would kiss me.

No one ever said don’t do that. But my brain screamed it every time.

[Timeflyer]

4. So glad women and girls are hearing and seeing other women speaking up about the issues of

consent, personal boundaries and the right to make our own decisions about our bodies. This subject is so important, so emotional. Thanks for posting.