Science says bachelorette parties are destroying LGBTQ safe spaces

[Behind the Aegis]

While gay men have long complained about straight women holding bachelorette parties in gay bars, two researchers say that the celebrations are a form of “hetrification” that is actively destroying LGBTQ safe spaces.

Two researchers — Laurie Essig, a professor of gender, sexuality, and feminist studies at Middlebury College in Vermont, and Vincent Jones II, a professor of community health at York College in New York — wrote in The Boston Globe that the bachelorette parties held mostly by white women in queer spaces, often seek a drunken night out without the worry of harassment and assault from heterosexual men.

These parties can generate lots of money for queer venues and drag queens. However, after conducting research in Provincetown, Massachusetts, the researchers found that these parties can also destroy queer safe spaces that LGBTQ communities have long sought to establish. The researchers call this process “hetrification.”

What is hetrification?
“Like gentrification, hetrification occurs when people feel privileged to take over the spaces of others… and buy space in a queer venue,” Essig and Jones wrote.

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Leave it to LGBTQNation to shit all over its own article about how gay men are treated in our spaces to shift to what monsters we are, and even reference another article that doesn't back up any of their goddamned assertions in that last paragraph. Still, this article demonstrates what some gay men are feeling...gay erasure (and not the cool band).

[Hugh_Lebowski]

1. Bachelorette parties 'destroy queer safe spaces through hetrification'?

Seriously?

Bottom-line, the owners of these places want the money, and they're not '(y)our spaces'. Matter of fact, these ladies help keep those spaces open.

Honestly this is taking the hand-wringing to a really questionable level.

MHO, as a hetero-flex dude who grew up in the SF Bay Area ... pic I took in June 2022 ...

[Behind the Aegis]

2. I am going to remind you, this is THE LGBT GROUP.

Do NOT tell me, or any other GLBT person here, we are "wringing our hands". Furthermore, Gay and Lesbian bars have existed for centuries, and somehow managed to do it WITHOUT bachelorette parties, so do not assert they are keeping OUR spaces open!

Do not come into this group and 'splain what is a threat to OUR community nor tell any of US how we should feel.

Reread your comments and ask yourself, "was there a more appropriate way to express myself in this GROUP"?

[Hugh_Lebowski]

4. Sorry to be irritating to you Aegis

But these girls aren't there to 'turn you straight', they're their because gay guys tend to be polite, sweet, fun to be around, not to mention cute!

There is a very good argument to make that they are supporters of your space, not some kind of enemy. For many attendees it's the one and only time they'll be in such a place. Why not adopt a position that we should be inclusive towards people who come to our place in a spirit of good will, because they LIKE us, and are there to spend money and thus support these businesses they we want to be there for us?

Seems to me it's a choice ... act as good-will ambassadors, or reject them and resent them for coming because they're (probably mostly) hetero?

My choice would be the former, but to each their own.

[Behind the Aegis]

5. It is irritation due to disrespect, Lebowski.

I am going to say this again, I thought I was being clear, but perhaps I was too subtle, not a quality often ascribed to me.

THIS IS THE LGBT GROUP!

This means I am telling you, again, to monitor your tone and your remarks. The first post was bad enough, but your follow-up is even more dismissive, disrespectful, and patronizing.

But these girls aren't there to 'turn you straight', they're their because gay guys tend to be polite, sweet, fun to be around, not to mention cute!

(
Girls? Really?! Looking past that, I never said or indicated, nor did the article that " (they) there to 'turn you straight'". What you produced is known as a "strawman argument". The next sentence is nothing but a string of stereotypes, even "positive" stereotypes have negative implications.

There is a very good argument to make that they are supporters of your space, not some kind of enemy. For many attendees it's the one and only time they'll be in such a place. Why not adopt a position that we should be inclusive towards people who come to our place in a spirit of good will, because they LIKE us, and are there to spend money and thus support these businesses they we want to be there for us?

This is NO argument. PERIOD! They are there for THEIR enjoyment, not ours! Your question about "adopting a position" of inclusivity is nothing more than HETEROSEXIST twaddle. It is not our responsibility to tend to their needs in our space, and the same is true HERE, in the LGBT GROUP!

Seems to me it's a choice ... act as good-will ambassadors, or reject them and resent them for coming because they're (probably mostly) hetero?

Given all you wrote, I'd have to say this is probably the most ignorant thing you wrote. It is, again, HETEROSEXIST nonsense. While some gay bars and their patrons can welcome their parties and shenanigans, many do not, and for good reason as outlined in the article. They want to be entertained? Then HIRE entertainment! Do not come into a gay bar and treat us like the entertainment, like we are animals in a zoo, or are there to be part of YOUR experience. The fact you are claiming "reverse discrimination" really is just the icing on the cake. Just because many of us do NOT want their parties in our spaces is NOT because we reject or resent (Resent?! REALLY?! ) them, but we want to enjoy ourselves without having to cater to the needs of those who are not part of the community.

Finally, since I was not clear, I will be so, and blunt, to boot: This is the LGBT group and if one cannot communicate ideas or disagreements in ways that are conducive to actual dialogue, but instead rely on LGBT stereotypes, heterosexism, or homo/bi/trans-phobia, then they will be blocked from this group.

This is your last warning. Do not minimize the LGBT experience in any way.

[Hugh_Lebowski]

7. You're the boss, I defer to your authority, but disagree with your arguments. Have a good one (nt)

[Haggard Celine]

3. The article talks about gay safe spaces,

but all he mentions is gay bars. Are those the only gay safe spaces? And how many bachelorette parties take place in these bars? I used to hang out in the bars a good bit back in the day, and I can only remember one such party with a bunch of straight women. Don't know if it was a bachelorette party or something else.

But times have changed and maybe it's all the rage for straight women to have parties in the gay bars. If I was in one of those bars and something like that was happening and it was bothering me, I'd leave and I would let the manager know I was going. If the guys started leaving every time one of those parties was going on, it might make the owner stop booking the parties.

But I understand how the owner feels about having the parties. It might be a night when he has about 20 people come in and out of the place. He can make hundreds or maybe more from those parties, so he books them and it keeps his business afloat. If he didn't book events now and then, he might go out of business and then there would be one less place in town that was welcoming to gay people.

So I see it as possibly a necessary evil to have those events sometimes. I can see how it would be annoying, especially if you're in a town with one or two gay bars and there's nowhere else to go out. But it might be a good idea to start calling the bar before you go out and ask them if they're having a party that night. You'd save yourself a lot of aggravation.

[Behind the Aegis]

6. Gay bars are supposed to be safe spaces.

The article was specific, and therefore only focused on gay bars. As for bachelorette parties, yes, they are all the rage to have in gay bars. I worked at a gay bar in New Orleans, and we had them all the time. We had a separate space, so we usually sent them up there. Many of the other gay bars did not even allow them. I can also tell you; they are NOT money-makers for the bar. We only made money because they had to pay for the space upstairs and a certain amount of liquor. But the money we made was nowhere near what we could had made had it not been closed off for the private event. The only time we really made money is if the event was on an off night (Monday thru Wednesday, and Sunday night).

The reasons many bars don't like hosting them is outlined well in the article; we can be treated like side-show attractions. I have been to many bars all over the country, mainly in the South, and often, when a "bridal shower/bachelorette party" came in, many people simply left. Of course, this was usually in areas which had at least one other bar nearby, in areas where that wasn't the case, it looked like a segregated club, men on one side, women on the other, with the exception of the few lesbians and bi women hunkering down with the gay men.

Frankly, it is more about them showing respect when they are in OUR spaces.