Jay Toole: The Stonewall Veteran Reflects On 25 Years of Homelessness
The Stonewall Inn was a dump. This is according to Jay Toole, a veteran of the now mythical uprising. "It was dark, smelly. You never drank any mixed drinks there ever because they hardly had any running water, so glasses were always washed in dirty water." Toole was living nearby in Washington Square Park after her parents threw her out of the house at the age of 13. "It felt so empowering to be able to yell at a cop and not get beat up...Just to yell at them and scream at them and throw things at them and see them scared. You could see it in their eyes that they were scared. And it must have surprised them that they were scared of a bunch of gay people, like 'What the hell?'"
JM (jeffrey masters): Living on the street for almost 30 years, how did that imprint itself on you in ways that still show up today?
JT: Well, I can't walk past a homeless person without giving money or a cigarette, because I know what it's like to be out there. People walk past you all day long. They don't see the homeless. And I tell people, "You don't have to give money. You just walk by and say, 'Hey.'" You don't have to give anything. You don't have to stay there and have a big conversation with people. Just let us know that you've seen us.
I was in the throws of alcoholism and drug addiction back then, so I don't think it bothered me as much. But now that I look back on it, I've been out of homelessness, what, 20 years I think, and you don't trust anybody. It took me a long time to trust people, to actually have a conversation with people.
JM: What was that process like for you to finally stop living on the streets?
JT: Well, I was dying and then they put me in this place in the late '90s. And it was a good shelter. Shelters are bad, bad, bad, but this was one of the better ones. The director was queer, my social worker was cool. I'd keep on leaving the shelter and going out and smoke crack and come back. My social worker wouldn't say nothing to me, she'd lean into my ear and say, "It's your choice." And I never heard it, I never heard that it was my choice.
So I went out this one night and these kids in front of Madison Square Garden walked past me and said something really derogatory to me and I said something back to them. And they had these small lead pipes and beat me in my head. Oh, I mean, one of the worst beatings I've ever had. This rookie cop grabbed me and they put me in a hospital. And it was there, when I started waking up and all bandaged up and everything, it was there that it was like, "Oh, it's my choice." I don't have to go out there and get high and get beaten up and maybe murdered, like so many other people that I knew were killed out there.
When it was time to leave the hospital, I had a few dollars in my pocket, I walked out of that hospital and walked from the 70s to the 40s. And I just kept on saying, "Well, you can buy a six pack of beer. You can buy a couple of hits of crack."And I just kept telling myself, "Nah, wait until the next corner." And I got back to the shelter without picking up and I never picked up crack again or heroin or pills.
long article at:
https://www.advocate.com/women/2021/12/07/jay-toole-stonewall-veteran-reflects-25-years-homelessness
