Just venting. I'm worn out.

[Pacifist Patriot]

I've applied to 300 jobs since October 06, 2020. I read the job posting carefully. If I can't do every last one of the responsibilities and don't tick every single qualification box, I don't apply. I just don't. No punching above my weight. No lying about what I can do or what experience I have. Totally honest. My job history is stable and progressive, experience is pretty deep, my competencies spot on, my certifications highly desirable, and my track record of success solid and demonstrable in my professional field. No, I'm not a super star, but I'm no slouch either. I get the job done and I get it done really really well. I care about the quality of my work and the people I serve.

I've had my resume scrutinized and revised by two professional resume companies. I actually think it's been a pretty impressive resume since January as these things go. I should know. I'm in human resources. Oh sorry. People Operations these days. If I've seen one resume over the last decade, I've seen a thousand. Mine's damn good actually.

Only 15 companies out of 300 have even wanted to talk to me at all. By some miracle, five of those fifteen companies passed me on through the process to the final damn interview (ranging from three to eight founds of interviews) and .... I lost the job to the other person in the final round every single time. I can't seem to stretch my chest out to break the tape and cross the finish line first.

I'm fucking miserable. The environment at my company is beyond toxic. I wouldn't even know where to start to describe the dysfunctional mess I have to face each and every day. Because of one single manipulative narcissist. I cry myself to sleep at night and do everything I can not to vomit before going into the office each morning. But the golden handcuffs are tight. I have bills to pay and kids in college and too many people I can't let down.

I know this forum is for career help and advice, but really all I need at this point is to let it out. I've had career help and advice from all directions and it's all good and all useless at the same damn time. I know I could be such a phenomenal asset to a company serious about having a culture of diversity and inclusion, a team environment of safety and trust dedicated to instilling a sense of belonging. I just don't believe they actually exist. They say they do. I'll have to see it to believe it.

[SheltieLover]

1. Kudos to you for your credentials, expertise, & tenacity!

Keep trying. Something will pop. It's a numbers game!

[XanaDUer2]

2. I'm so sorry

my workplace is so toxic, I'm going onto ssdi if I ever get approved due to the stress.
Toxic workplace s are soul crushing.

I have no words of wisdom. You're trying. I'm hoping for you to finally have a better place of employment.

Peace.

[Siwsan]

3. I know the trauma a toxic workplace can cause

I retired a full 3 years ahead of my plan, just to get away from one. ALL of this grief was created by a exactly what you mentioned - a manipulative narcissist. This particular narcissist was so twisted, she double down on her harassment, towards me, knowing I was dealing with multiple terminal illnesses in my family.

[XanaDUer2]

4. Horrible

I'm so sorry

[Siwsan]

5. I'm leaving her to Karma

I will probably never find out how her live goes, and deeply wish I could erase all memories of her. She was pretty much the vilest individual I've ever met, and I encountered some real doozies while I was in the Navy.

[Pacifist Patriot]

11. OMG! That's horrific.

[Guilded Lilly]

6. We hear you. We listen and understand and send as much support as...

a message board allows. (Which is not nearly enough)
We are here for any venting you need to make!
So continue to let it out and continue to believe in yourself. You have great value. And you are stronger than you think!

Believe that.

[UpInArms]

7. All I can do is

Offer you a giant virtual ((((((((HUG)))))))))

You are and have proven you are strong and capable …

Small anecdote … I prayed for strength … and I was tested … showing how strong I was and could be ….

Then … I had an epiphany and prayed for the ability to enjoy my days …

Things changed and my joy increased …

[zuul]

8. I'm so sorry. I know how you feel.

I used to work at such a place, with one toxic asshole who made everyone miserable. I stood up to him a couple times and then he started targeting me. I kept detailed notes of his abuse against me (dates, times, his words) and saved all his nasty emails. I then went to my supervisor, who then went with me to HR. I had only been with this company for about 6 months.

As it turns out, he had been a real problem for years, well before I started there. He had chased off a whole bunch of really good staff members who left the firm because of him. I didn’t know this and was prepared to be fired or to leave on my own. The company had been looking for a reason to get rid of him. Anyway, he was allowed to resign and ‘seek another opportunity elsewhere.’

Don’t give up hope on getting rid of your manipulative narcissist. If you’re having problems with this jerk, there’s a high probability that others are too.

[Pacifist Patriot]

12. Oh everyone except our mutual boss is having problems with this guy.

We're all scratching our heads trying to figure out how the CEO doesn't see it too. Oh right, that highly manipulative part! Many of us have brought it to his attention, but he's one of those poor leaders who wants to believe everything is going swimmingly and shoots the messenger rather than acknowledge serious problems.

[FireUpChips10]

9. How about your personal network?

They say that who you know matters more than what you know. Knowing a lot of people hasn't exactly helped me, but maybe your network/connections could be more helpful?

[Pacifist Patriot]

13. That's one of my problems.

My boss is hyper-plugged in to the business community around here. I start tugging on my network strings he will find out sooner rather than later.

[babylonsister]

10. I wonder if Val Demings is hiring.

I have no idea about pay, but I hope you find something you like, not just have to tolerate.