Andy Borowitz for The Contrarian -

[Mme. Defarge]

In his first post for The Contrarian, Andy Borowitz offers creative editorial assistance to Jeff Bezos
ANDY BOROWITZ
JAN 16

In an effort to broaden its appeal, the Washington Post has changed its slogan from “Democracy Dies in Darkness” to
“Riveting Storytelling for All of America.” The following are six runner-up slogans that were in strong contention:
The Kid Rock of Newspapers

Every Subscription Comes With Free Trump Bible 

All the News by Writers Who Haven’t Quit

News? Fuck Yeah!

Ten Millionth Subscriber Gets to Ride in Bezos’s Rocket

Release the Kraken

Editor’s note: We want your slogans, too! Please share at [e-mail]. Our favorite will get a shoutout.

[Wicked Blue]

1. All the news that's fake to print nt

[Mme. Defarge]

2. Out news won't make you snooze nt

[muriel_volestrangler]

3. "I've looked at news from both sides now"

"From left and right and still somehow
It's who's in power that I recall
I really don't know news at all"

[Bernardo de La Paz]

6. I think Joni Mitchell would smile. . . . nt

[NewLarry]

10. Then she'd march.

[Geechie]

4. The best mulletwrapper money can buy

[Volaris]

5. Democracy dies in darkenss...but it gets buried under money.

[David Boyle]

7. The Washington Compost

A real big heap... of.....

[HighFired49]

8. Not fit

All the "News" That's Not Fit to Print

[David Boyle]

9. The Tesla of newspapers

Enjoy the explosion!

[MLAA]

11. The Giuliani of lawyers.

[50 Shades Of Blue]

12. "Washington Times? HOLD OUR BEER."

[David Boyle]

13. At least it wasn't to hold something else

. . .

[David Boyle]

14. Scamazon

"All the news that's s[p]it to print"

"Bezos' Bullspit"

"You buy, we lie!" "...You DIE!!"

(BTW, maybe Mme. Defarge should send this whole post of hers to Borowitz at [e-mail] ...)