Welcome to the new U.S.A. United States of Afghanistan. Taliban rule begins in January.
Check in with your area religious supervisor to see which religion you need to switch to to avoid “having your body dragged through the streets “ potential Taliban Attorney General stated.
Burkas go on sale soon, so don’t be late to order one. Anyone who isn’t a white male should report to the local MAGA (dear) leader for official assignment to whatever foreign nation he says after spinning the new wheel of misfortune.
All schools will be temporarily closed until they can be burned to the ground and replaced with, well, nothing. Why burn just the books when you can rid yourself of the whole annoying mess. “Woke” is now a felony.
Bring your wallet to the local Tesla dealer who will give you a (baby) Tesla after emptying your savings and running up your credit card with debt. After which you will be fined for failing to extinguish your new flaming vehicle quickly enough.
Don’t forget, you must start drinking a 12 pack of full sugar Coke every day for complete health says the new department of death care, just like the new dear leader does. Nothing is more validating, and humbling, than imitation says the new imam.
Speaking of imitation, all government employees (the three that are left) must immediately stain their bodies orange and develop apron bellies.
Violation of any of these newish thingys will result in your bones being turned into golf balls for dearest imams’ enjoyment as he creates new rules of golfistan.
Failure to immediately comply with these and the myriad new edicts will result in you being the object all sorts of “Roman” style entertainment for the newly sanctimonious and shrieking white folk.
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