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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMelania Trump Announces First 1,000 People To Preorder New Memoir Will See Her Face In Their Dreams Until Death
PALM BEACH, FLHoping to boost sales of her new book, Melania Trump announced Tuesday that the first 1,000 people to preorder her memoir Melania would see her face in their dreams until they die. I am so excited to be sharing my story, and I want to show my gratitude by offering a few lucky buyers the exclusive chance to be haunted by my ghastly visage night after night for as long as they live, the former first lady said in a rare public appearance ahead of the volumes Oct. 8 release, teasing the promotion as an opportunity for one-on-one face time between herself and her fans.
Whether my stony, unblinking face will appear in the mirror as you close your medicine cabinet, emerge from the shadows of your closet as you try to fall asleep, or hover directly above you as you lie in bedinches away from your face like a nightmare from which you can never wakeI know no better way to show my appreciation than to haunt you until you breathe your last breath. But you have to act fast! Trump went on to add that the first 1,000 preorders would also receive a free American flag bookmark.
https://theonion.com/melania-trump-announces-first-1000-people-to-preorder-new-memoir-will-see-her-face-in-their-dreams-until-death/
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Melania Trump Announces First 1,000 People To Preorder New Memoir Will See Her Face In Their Dreams Until Death (Original Post)
milestogo
Sep 17
OP
dalton99a
(84,074 posts)1. Like America hasn't suffered enough
samplegirl
(12,037 posts)2. That's a nightmare!
keithbvadu2
(39,927 posts)3. Like waking up, staring into the cat's ass.
ShazzieB
(18,533 posts)4. Kudos to the Onion for another fine piece of satire!
John1956PA
(3,343 posts)5. SHEESH! Now that Laura Loomer thing is starting to make sense. n/t
allegorical oracle
(2,954 posts)6. This is what happens if you live too long with TSF. nt
LetMyPeopleVote
(154,040 posts)7. I love good satire
SamKnause
(13,781 posts)8. Fucking sour puss.
She always looks like she has a stick up her ass.
Rebl2
(14,572 posts)9. Well now
thats a frightening thought! Yep I know its the onion.
Blue Owl
(54,623 posts)10. LOL
PufPuf23
(9,233 posts)11. Melania is the dweller of the abyss. nt
sarge43
(29,145 posts)12. If cobra venom had a face ...