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milestogo

(17,564 posts)
Tue Sep 17, 2024, 02:24 PM Sep 17

Melania Trump Announces First 1,000 People To Preorder New Memoir Will See Her Face In Their Dreams Until Death



PALM BEACH, FL—Hoping to boost sales of her new book, Melania Trump announced Tuesday that the first 1,000 people to preorder her memoir Melania would see her face in their dreams until they die. “I am so excited to be sharing my story, and I want to show my gratitude by offering a few lucky buyers the exclusive chance to be haunted by my ghastly visage night after night for as long as they live,” the former first lady said in a rare public appearance ahead of the volume’s Oct. 8 release, teasing the promotion as an opportunity for one-on-one face time between herself and her fans.

“Whether my stony, unblinking face will appear in the mirror as you close your medicine cabinet, emerge from the shadows of your closet as you try to fall asleep, or hover directly above you as you lie in bed—inches away from your face like a nightmare from which you can never wake—I know no better way to show my appreciation than to haunt you until you breathe your last breath. But you have to act fast!” Trump went on to add that the first 1,000 preorders would also receive a free American flag bookmark.

https://theonion.com/melania-trump-announces-first-1000-people-to-preorder-new-memoir-will-see-her-face-in-their-dreams-until-death/
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Melania Trump Announces First 1,000 People To Preorder New Memoir Will See Her Face In Their Dreams Until Death (Original Post) milestogo Sep 17 OP
Like America hasn't suffered enough dalton99a Sep 17 #1
That's a nightmare! samplegirl Sep 17 #2
Like waking up, staring into the cat's ass. keithbvadu2 Sep 17 #3
Kudos to the Onion for another fine piece of satire! ShazzieB Sep 17 #4
SHEESH! Now that Laura Loomer thing is starting to make sense. n/t John1956PA Sep 17 #5
This is what happens if you live too long with TSF. nt allegorical oracle Sep 17 #6
I love good satire LetMyPeopleVote Sep 17 #7
Fucking sour puss. SamKnause Sep 17 #8
Well now Rebl2 Sep 17 #9
LOL Blue Owl Sep 17 #10
Melania is the dweller of the abyss. nt PufPuf23 Sep 17 #11
If cobra venom had a face ... sarge43 Sep 17 #12
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