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The Borowitz Report- Vance Hopes Talking Nonstop About Pet-Eating Will Make Him Seem Less Weird
Link to tweet
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/vance-hopes-talking-nonstop-about
SPRINGFIELD, OH (The Borowitz Report)—JD Vance revealed on Monday that he is talking nonstop about pet-eating in the hopes of dispelling the widespread impression that he is weird.
The Ohio senator, who has been struggling to simulate human behavior, believes he has found the answer by appearing to be obsessed with people eating cats and dogs.
Vance said that spreading baseless rumors about immigrant pet-consumption makes him “way more relatable than Tim Walz.”
“Any weirdo can order a donut,” he said. “Talking incessantly about pet-eating is something normal people do.”
Amid rumors that Vance plans to visit, the people of Springfield, Ohio have started building a wall.
The Ohio senator, who has been struggling to simulate human behavior, believes he has found the answer by appearing to be obsessed with people eating cats and dogs.
Vance said that spreading baseless rumors about immigrant pet-consumption makes him “way more relatable than Tim Walz.”
“Any weirdo can order a donut,” he said. “Talking incessantly about pet-eating is something normal people do.”
Amid rumors that Vance plans to visit, the people of Springfield, Ohio have started building a wall.
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